Over the next few days, we settle into a kind of routine. The project at the studio I was working on no longer needs me, so with my days now free, I spend them with whoever's around. Kyle when he's not working, and Phil when he is. Kyle tends to stay over most nights which I'm not sure Phil's too happy about, but he doesn't really let it show.
Sometimes I can handle what I know Kyle's off doing, but most of the time the moment he's out the door I just become a huge emotional wreck. It can't be much fun for Phil, I guess, but he seems to manage to look after me.
Tonight, I got high after he left, and promptly cried myself to sleep in Phil's arms on the sofa. Usually he just carries me up to bed, but I guess he couldn't be bothered to, or forgot what time Kyle would be getting back. I hear footsteps wander in, louder than the quiet murmuring of the TV that Phil's still got on.
I know it's Kyle. Not from the way he walks or anything, but just because mom's given in to the fact that we've taken over her house and she went to bed ages ago.
He stops and I feel Phil shift a little under me as he looks up at him.
"What're you doing?" I hear Kyle asking, sounding just a little bit annoyed.
"He fell asleep on me."
"Would've woken him up. Look, I don't wanna start arguing with you over him, okay? Just deal with it that he fell asleep on me." I don't need to open my eyes to know that Kyle's gonna have that grumpy face on. Phil gives a frustrated sigh, slipping his arms under me, lifting me up. I resist the urge to lean my head on his chest and nuzzle him, just letting him carry me up. Kyle follows us up, but goes pretty much ignored as Phil puts me to bed. Once he's tucked me in, he sits down by the bed.
"Sorry," Kyle sighs.
"I just... I guess I'm just paranoid."
"Well after hearing why you guys split before, I can understand that," he says quietly. Can we stop with the talking now? I want snuggles and some proper sleep now, not this weird I'm-nearly-asleep-but-still-know-what's-going-on shit. The bed sinks a little as Kyle sits down on it with me, his fingers tangling in my hair.
"Half the time I think he'd be better off with you," Kyle says. I can practically hear Phil mentally agreeing with him.
"Doesn't matter who we think he'd be better off with though, if it's not who he wants."
Kyle sighs. This is no good. Seriously, can they not tell I want a hug already? "I don't care if you keep talking, but can someone give me a fucking snuggle now?" I mumble sleepily, not even bothering to open one eye. Kyle obliges and I curl up against him, slipping further into my sleepy state.
"Sorry," Kyle mumbles, as Phil no doubt looks away.
"No, it's okay. I should just man up and get over it," he laughs weakly.
"I don't get why he's with me," Kyle says, going back to playing with my hair a little.
"Neither do I after what happened," Phil says bluntly, "but there must be something he sees in you to have given you a second chance." Kyle cuddles me a little more and I nuzzle him, wishing Phil had thought of a nicer way to put that.
"Love you," he whispers, a smile in his words. I try to say it back, but I'm too sleepy to do anymore than persuade my lips to give him a little smile. He kisses my nose and Phil's quiet, letting us enjoy the moment. Kyle shifts a little, apparently making a gesture to Phil. I wonder for a moment what's going on when Phil doesn't seem to do anything. And then he joins us on the bed, snuggling up with us. It feels kinda weird, but at the same time it almost feels right.
And finally, I drift off to sleep, wishing every night could be like this.