I run back home, shutting myself in my studio which is now effectively a guitar and a couch. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," I mutter, my hands shaking as I tip some of the heroin into a spoon and mix it with water, trying to keep my hands steady as I heat it up. "fuck, fuck, fuck!" I yell when my shaking results in half the mixture getting spilt. I shoot up what's left, feeling a tiny bit more steady, and certainly able to try again without spilling it this time.
Except that Phil bangs on the door at that point, yelling for me to let him in. I sigh and do my best to ignore him and not jump every time he hits the door. Just as I'm shooting up again, Phil finally manages to break the lock and comes tearing in. He doesn't even stop to look at what I'm doing, he just rushes over and grabs the needle from me.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelp, rubbing my arm where he just ripped the needle out. He looks at how much I put in the syringe and slaps me around the back of the head. "Ow!"
"Were you trying to kill yourself again or something?" he asks.
"Not consciously. But I wouldn't complain if I died."
He lets out a huffy sigh and kneels down next to me. "You can save the rest for some other time, ‘kay?" I don't say anything, just watching as he retightens the belt around my arm and pushes the needle in gently. I let out a low moan as it floods through my body. He doesn't give me as much as I would've taken even without what I'd had already, but he doesn't know I've already had some. So it's okay. I smile stupidly as the blanket of euphoria wraps around me and slump back against the couch, watching Phil clear up and hide the stuff away.
He picks me up and puts me on the sofa, pushing my hair out of my face. He's wearing this kind of sad expression, but I don't know why. I stroke his cheek. "Don't be sad, honey, I'm fine," I mumble, smiling. He nods, smiling back weakly. "I want Kyle. Where is he?"
"Get Kyle for me," I sniffle, tugging at his sleeve, practically begging for him to get Kyle over here. He nods and texts Rayn, telling him to bring Kyle over.
We wait quietly for them to come over, the silence between us only broken by me complaining that they're taking too long.
"Hey," I hear Kyle's quiet voice say from the other end of the room. Phil stands up.
"I'll leave you to it," he mutters, leaving and taking Rayn with him.
"What did you want me for?" Kyle asks, staying where he is. I hold my arms out, hoping that he might still care enough just to hug me. He shuffles over and I whine, wiggling my fingers. And then he cuddles me and it's better than the fucking drugs. I cling to him, wishing we were still together. He cuddles me more and the tears that have been building up in the last few minutes suddenly overflow.
"I missed you," I sob.
He lets out a sniffle, "I missed you too."
"Will you come back?" I ask. He's silent at that. I'm quiet too, my stomach too busy twisting into painful, nervous knots to think of anything else to say.
"I still love you, y'know?" he mumbles.
"I love you too, Kyle," I sniffle, "I really want you back."
"I'll just drag you down with me." I laugh. Really?
"Drag me down where?"
"I'm a whore, remember?"
"And I'm a drug addict. It was clearly meant to be." He looks down at his feet and I close my eyes, not wanting to see him thinking that we can't be together for some unknown reason before he says it.
"You're not the only one," he mumbles. Well that wasn't what I was expecting. I arch an eyebrow, looking at him. His eyes are still fixed on his feet, but it doesn't take much looking to notice the track marks on his arm.
"Oh." He sighs and I take his hand squeezing it a little. He looks at me. "It'll take quite a bit more than that to stop me loving you, you idiot," I tell him.
"What about Phil?"
"He's a friend and always will be. I don't like him as anything more."And if you'd realised that before, we wouldn't be here in this mess, would we? He gives me a tiny smile. "Why didn't you believe it before?" I ask kinda quietly. He shrugs a little and I let out a small sigh, shutting my eyes again. He strengthens his hold on me, cuddling me closer. I feel like I'm at home here, resting my head on his chest, in his arms. "I wanna go to bed." He gives me a tiny nod. "Oh, wait. I got something you might want," I reach under the couch for the needle that still has some heroin in and give it to Kyle. He looks at it, biting down on his lip. "You don't have to. I'll be quite happy to finish that off for you." Although that might result in another trip to the ER.
"No, it's just..." he sighs, "I can't do it on my own. I can never find a vein or anything," he blushes and I giggle a little, pulling the belt out and doing it all for him. He smiles as the drug rushes around, wiping away the aches and sickness from being dopesick. I lift my head up, pressing my lips to his, smiling when he kisses back.
"C'mon, let's go to bed."