I stare blankly up at the ceiling. I can't even be fucked to make patterns out of the grey splatters on it tonight. I'm always so far behind everyone else. Kyle was fucking begging me to kill him just a few days ago and even he's been let out first. Phil's probably clean, with a job and a girlfriend and whatever else he wants. Fuck it, he might as well be in a new band.
Why is there always something holding me back from catching up?
In an effort to avoid the dream tonight, I refuse to sleep at all. Which would be why Kyle is stood next to my bed telling me: "You look terrible."
"Thanks," I mutter, scowling a little. He joins me on the bed, cuddling me and I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling my lack of sleep beginning to catch up with me.
"Still having bad dreams?"
"I didn't have one last night."
"That's good," he smiles.
"'Cause I didn't sleep," I finish. He frowns at that.
"Babe, you can't stop sleeping."
"I'd rather be bored as fuck for a few hours and not have that dream," I tell him quietly.
"Think what happened when I stopped sleeping, though."
"I know. I'll sleep when they send me home." That's assuming they don't notice and decide to keep me longer for it. He doesn't say anything to that. I guess there isn't really anything to say.
"At least have a nap while I'm here," he says after a couple minutes, kissing the top of my head.
"But then I don't get to talk to you," I mumble sleepily.
"I'll be here when you wake up, you can talk to me then," he smiles at me. I open my mouth to argue against him, but I fall asleep before I can even think of what to say.
When I wake back up, Kyle's arms are still around me, and I smile inwardly, too busy yawning to smile properly. I didn't dream. Apparently not sleeping works. Kyle cuddles me a little more and I can't help noticing it's almost possessive, the way he's holding me. Not complaining.
I smile at him. "Sleep okay?" he asks.
"I didn't dream," I hum, kissing him a little. He kisses back.
"How're you anyway?"
"I'm good. I quit my job at the diner," he announces with a smile and I hug him, fucking glad that he's finally away from that place. "I haven't had time to look for anywhere else yet, though."
"It's okay. The second I'm out of here I'll work double shifts at the bar or something. Or try and find a way to make up what I lost on that coke." He flashes me a small smile and I nuzzle him, too happy he's quit to really think about what I'm gonna do when I get out of here. Kyle hums, not saying anything, but I don't really mind, cuddling up to him.
"Rayn came by the day I quit," he says quietly.
"Oh?" I ask, wondering what's so special about that. It's just like Rayn to hang around dodgy shitholes like that.
"Yeah. He got a coffee and some waffles and paid with a $100 bill."
"So? He probably got a good deal on something." Kyle shrugs. "Why?" he shrugs again. I hum, smiling as he plays with my hair. We stay quiet, and he keeps playing with my hair. "When d'you think they'll let me out?" I ask eventually.
"Soon, I hope." You and me both, gorgeous.
"It's weird without you around at home."
"It's weird not having you here with me. I don't like it."
"I don't like it either, gorgeous." I feel myself getting a little clingy, but I don't resist the urge to hug him tighter
"You'll be back before you know it, though."
I sigh, "It feels like minutes are hours in here." He cuddles me some more and I bury my head in his neck, feeling kinda like a needy kid as he kisses the top of it.
I better get the fuck out of here soon.