I stared up at the ceiling. Campbell was trying his best but he hadn’t gotten anything sorted out by the time visiting hours were over and he got ordered out by one of the nurses. I’d been given something to eat but it looked way too disgusting to even dream of eating it, let alone keeping it down. My stomach rumbled angrily and I shut my eyes, silently begging for someone to take away the tray of food. I tried to stave off the paranoia but I couldn’t help it. Part of me was still convinced Damien was just trying to punish me and that he wouldn’t come back after work. That he’d run off and find someone better because, let’s face it, there were so many people out there better than me. I curled up into my ball of self-hatred again and refused to move or speak. At least, I did until Damien bounced in. I looked up, feeling some of my self-hatred disappear. At least he’d come back.
“Hey” he grinned.
“Hey” I said kind of quietly.
He grinned even more. Okay then... "How're you doing? I got a bed, I get to stay the night, that's a good thing right? I think I might've got it 'cause they think I'm gonna go all paranoid and psychotic, but that only happens when I know they're trying to get me" he said, fidgeting almost nonstop.
I arched an eyebrow but he seemed to ignore me.
"Think they'll let me out for a smoke? I need a smoke"
I shrugged. "Should do"
He hummed, kissing my forehead and wandering off. There was something up with him. I mean, he was acting like a kid on sugar when just a few hours ago he’d been on the verge of tears. He was more chilled out when he came back, a lazy grin pressed to his lips. I arched an eyebrow at the second change in mood. I was more than a little suspicious. He flopped in the chair next to my bed, slouching.
My eyebrow stayed up near my hairline and he apparently noticed.
"What?” he asked.
"What about me?"
"You're acting... weird"
"I'm not weird"
I arched my eyebrow a little more at how smiley he was all of a sudden. "How was work?"
"Good. I think Annie has a crush on me. She thinks I'm gay though, so I'm safe" he giggled.
"Oh" I know the circumstances were different but Graham slipped into my mind. I hid a shiver at the thought of him, fighting the urge to start scratching at my arm again.
"She knows this dealer guy that'll buy the rest of that crack off me. We're gonna be fucking rich, man"
I was quiet. He’d told me he was getting rid of it the day I flipped out completely. The day I told him about me being such a whore. Had he not gotten rid of it? Or was there even more that I didn’t know about? I felt a tiny bit of my paranoia slip back.
He groaned slightly. “Don’t go all quiet on me”
"Hey, can I sleep with you tonight? I'm over the other side of the ward with some crazies"
"Sure" I ignored the fact that right now I could probably be classed as one of those “crazies”.
He climbed into the bed and I shuffled over, making room for him. He snuggled up to me and I kind of snuggled back.
"You okay?" he asked.
He snuggled up to me more and I stayed silent, staring at the ceiling when he fell asleep, mumbling about loving me. He woke up a couple times in a kind of panic and I just stroked his hair, trying to calm him down. He seemed to calm down once he realised I was there with him. I went back to staring at the ceiling, barely noticing as the night shifted to morning. Damien woke up long enough for the nurses to drag him back to his own bed where he fell asleep again. A couple meals were given to me but I still couldn’t bring myself to touch them. Maybe if the food was a little more appealing I might be tempted to at least try and eat something. The first sign of Damien waking up was when he cried out for me some time in the afternoon. I went over to him, catching a glimpse of just how skinny and death-like I’d gotten. He clung to me and I rubbed his back.
"What's wrong?" I asked softly.
He opened his mouth to tell me but the sight of me seemed to change his mind. "Nothing. Go eat something"
"M'not hungry" That was kind of a lie.
I prodded him as he looked like he was about to cry.
"What?" I asked.
"Please eat something"
"I'm not hungry"
I felt a sad look slip onto my face as he showed no sign of stopping the almost-tears.
"Babe, I'm sorry"
He sniffled, cuddling me as the sad expression remained. I really was trying but just the thought of eating made me feel sick.
"What was wrong anyways?" I asked.
"Just bad dreams. Doesn't matter" he mumbled.