I sit down outside, wiping away my tears before they can fall, and light a cigarette. I don't move apart from to lift my cigarette to my lips, wishing with every other drag that I'd brought my weed with me. I end up chain smoking, lighting the next one with the butt of the last one, staying like that til I hear Kyle speaking somewhere above me.
"Campbell wants me to stay for a bit." I look up at him. He's got his eyes on the floor. I don't really know what to say apart from the ‘oh' that escapes me. "You don't have to stick around if you don't want to."
"I'll stay. If you want me to that is." He nods. "D'you want me to go home and get you anything?"
"Some other clothes, maybe."
"Anything else?" he shakes his head. "Want me to get them for you now, or later?"
"Later. I don't wanna be on my own right now."
"'Kay." He stands there looking like he doesn't really know what to do. I take a last lungful of smoke and flick it away, offering him a hug. He accepts it, cuddling up to me, and I feel a tiny rush of relief. I mean, it's better than before, ‘cause at least now he doesn't seem to be so freaked out by me hugging him again. I cuddle him a little tighter when he clings onto me, resting my head on his shoulder.
He starts crying a little bit and I kiss his cheek, trying to wipe away the tears. Only he ends up crying more, and I have no idea what to do. I just cuddle him as much as I can without hurting him, waiting out the crying.
"Sorry," he says after a while, but I shake my head.
"You don't need to apologise."
"I do," he insists. I shake my head again, putting my head back on his shoulder. "Sorry for putting you through all this," he mumbles.
"It's okay. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I should've been."
"I feel like I've let you down."
"Don't feel like that, gorgeous."
"I can't help it. I'm s'posed to be the strong one. I'm s'posed to be there for you."
I run a hand through his hair, looking at him, "don't worry about it. I shouldn't be so reliant on you." I shouldn't be so needy that I end up giving him a mental breakdown when he's having a hard time too. He shuts his eyes and I keep playing with his hair. He lets out a sigh, but before I can think of anything more to say, Campbell walks over to us.
"There's a bed ready for you now, Kyle, whenever you want to go back inside. One of the nurses will show you where it is." Kyle nods and Campbell smiles slightly, "I'll let you know when I've persuaded them to let Damien stay with you."
"Thanks," he replies, smiling back.
"You want me to stay the night with you?" I ask, watching Campbell walk back inside. He nods.
"If you want to, I mean."
"Sure." He smiles at me and I somehow manage to return it.
"I was so scared you were gonna leave me," he says, planting a little kiss on my lips. I kiss back.
"I'm not gonna lie, I don't like it - but I love you more than that," I tell him, just about suppressing a little shiver at the thought of him fucking someone else. But I s'pose at least it wasn't just ‘cause he thinks I'm shit in bed and needed someone else to satisfy him or something. As far as I know. I don't wanna think about that, though. He nuzzles me. "Wanna go inside?"
"Not really. I guess I should, though."
"It's up to you, babe. I've still got an hour before visiting times are up." I know Campbell said he's trying to make them let me stay, but what are the chances of him being able to work his magic within an hour? He hums.
"I might settle in better if you're there." I nod and stand up, taking his hand. He gives it a little squeeze and I take him up to the psych ward where a nurse shows him to his bed. "I hate it already," he tells me, putting his head on my shoulder. I kiss the top of it, sighing a little.
"If Campbell can't get them to let me stay, I'll check myself in after work." Probably not a bad idea given my recent ‘slip ups' with the drugs and self harming and shit.
"You don't have to, gorgeous."
"I know I don't have to, but it can't hurt, right?"
He shuts his eyes, and we cuddle, "I don't want you to end up stuck in here too."
"It's like a second home in here, don't worry about it." He sighs a little and I give him a small kiss. Chin up, babe, it's not all bad. I'd rather be stuck here with you than at home on my own.