I just wanted to die. Why did he feel the need to keep torturing me? I couldn’t stand feeling like I did any longer. It was eating away at me and I was too much of a pussy to do anything about it myself. That was why Damien had to help me. Couldn’t he see that?
“I’ll do anything” I barely managed a whisper.
"Then live for me. Get some sleep"
“Please” I begged. I barely even heard myself.
He shook his head and I cried even more, as did he. What did he have to cry about? Did he feel like I did? Was he a fucking worthless disgusting whore? I just lay there crying and begging him to kill me.
“I can’t” he said, and disappeared into the bathroom.
I kept crying, scratching at my arm as I heard him crying. I couldn’t deal with it. I just wanted to end everything. I picked up enough determination to roll over and saw Damien’s weed. That’d help a little bit, right? I just about managed to roll a joint, having seen it done a few times and proceeded to smoke the fucker til I was high as a kite. I stared at the ceiling, watching as the plaster curled around the room, swirling every now and then.
"You gonna sleep now?" Damien asked quietly and I looked at him. Whoa, when did he get back?
"Sleep? Why would I sleep? I'm on top of the world"
"You've not slept for days"
I giggled. "Silly. I don't need to sleep. But man, am I hungry. Do we got anything to eat? Did you ever look at the ceiling in this place? It's really quite interesting. Y'know, I counted all the tiny swirls in the plaster over the last few days. There's 170, I think. Or was it 172? I dunno, I can't remember" I giggled again.
He sniffled. "D'you want me to get you something to eat?"
"Mhmm. What do we got? Chocolate milk? I really want some chocolate milk right now. Hey, y'know chocolate milk? Half the time it's not even chocolate, it's chocolate flavoured"
"I'll go make some" he said quietly, going off to make some.
I chattered away to myself while he was gone and kept chatting when he came back. I kind of got the feeling he wasn’t really listening, though. So I drank some milk.
"Man, this is good. I'm still kinda hungry. Do we got anything else? I kinda want waffles. No, pancakes. No, waffles. No, pancakes. Fuck it, pancake waffles. That sounds gross. Does that sound gross to you? Sounds gross to me. Actually, it doesn't sound that bad. I mean, you could try and make waffles out of pancake batter, I guess. Or you could try making waffles out of pancake batter. Isn't that what I just said?" I giggled. "Or you could wrap the waffle in a pancake. Well, that'd depend on the pancake. I mean, if you made a pancake pancake it'd be ay too small but if you made like one of those French ones you could prolly manage it"
"...I'll just make both"
I started chattering away to myself away once he was in the kitchen. At least I answered myself when I asked a question. He came back with waffles and pancakes and I attacked them as he rolled a joint. Man, I really was hungry.
"Whatcha doing there, sport? Sports are kinda pointless aren't they?"
"Weed's more fun when both of you are high" he said quietly, lighting up.
"Do you like weeds? I think they're kinda pretty. Well, some of them. I mean, the ones that have flowers are usually pretty nice to look at but the ones that are just leaves are boring"
I kept eating as he smoked his joint but the urge to talk overpowered the urge to eat.
"Cats are fluffy, huh?" I said, my mouth full.
"You know what else is fluffy? Baby ducks. Not so much when they grow up but they're super fluffy when they're little. Snakes aren't fluffy. Or gators. Neither's Gatorade. Have you ever had Gatorade? I have. I don't like it, it tastes weird"
He looked at me, leaning over and kissing me. I kissed back kind of quickly, feeling the need to talk mounting up. So I chattered away about whatever crossed my mind again. He listened to me now that he was high.
“Hey, guess what” I giggled.
I giggled slightly. “Penis”
Damien smiled as I laughed my head off. Oh God, Kyle, you are fucking hilarious. I should be a comedian, man, that was easy and it was the most hilarious thing I’d heard in years. My laughing fit was interrupted by a yawn and Damien cuddled me. I cuddled back, chattering away again but I couldn’t seem to match the speed I’d been speaking at before. I yawned every now and then as well. He kept giving me little kisses and I let out a bigger yawn.
"Go to sleep, beautiful"
He smiled slightly, snuggling up to me.
"I-" And then I was asleep.