Why was it like Kyle had two personalities? Half the time he was the sweetest human being on this planet. The other half was like... well I don’t know what it was like but I didn’t like it. He was just so angry at everything. Of course I blamed myself, I should’ve just gone and followed him anyway, I could’ve stopped him from getting his hip so fucked up.
But I didn’t, I trusted that things would go okay and look where we are now. I’m sat on the bathroom floor huddled up in a corner with a needle in my arm, because it gives me that big fluffy blanket feeling that Kyle should be giving me. I mean, I know he’s not really in any position to now he’s hurt, but I could do without the anger. Maybe that’s selfish. That’s selfish isn’t it? I just wanted the man I married back, that’s all I wanted. I could deal with the fact he was fucking people on camera for money, just about. It was better than this.
He was asleep by the time I crawled out of the bathroom. Hell he probably didn’t even wait up for me.
I needed to get out. Maybe just for the night. I’d come home in the morning before he woke up and feel better. Fuck knows what I was going to do but I couldn’t stay in the house.
I spent half the night dealing, and once I’d stashed the money away safely, I spent the rest of it in a club with a few friends. Out came a bag of that magic white powder, and we all bundled into the bathroom locking ourselves in the disabled cubicle. It was cramped, but given how small I am, I didn’t mind too much, I didn’t need a lot of space.
Now, cocaine is one of these things that you kind of can’t control how it affects you. Some people get really aggressive, some people get really horny, or talkative or whatever. Since Kyle’s accident, I’d had no sex at all. I know, I started off with him not wanting anything to do with sex at all. Bit of a turn around, huh? Anyway, once I was buzzing around the club, nothing could stop me. That’s a lie, if Kyle had come in and taken me home and fucked me, it would’ve stopped me, but that – unfortunately – didn’t happen.
A few people started flirting with me, and before I knew what was going on, I was shamelessly flirting back. No one cared about the ring on my finger, all of them seemed equally eager to get in my pants, and I was just as happy to let them in.
I’m not sure whose place it was, but they had this really big apartment. The front room was bigger than mine and Kyle’s whole fucking place. The sofas were huge and soft and inviting, and the people were just as enticing. There were men and women and men dressed as women and women dressed as men. It got hard to tell if you were going to get into someone’s pants and find a cock or a pussy waiting there for you.
I forgot about everything while I was there. I forgot how Kyle was different now, I forgot how angry at everything he was, I forgot how upset he’d made me. I was in a room full of people that were happy, people that wanted each other, and best of all, people that wanted me. It didn’t matter that they were high as fuck. For that one night, I was wanted again, and I loved it.