I had this sort of sinking feeling as Kyle left. I got on with my day as best as I could but there was no shaking this feeling that something bad was gonna happen. I wanted to go with him. I mean, I have no idea of what good I'd do if something bad did happen, but at least I'd be there with him. Not sitting in a drug den waiting for him to come back to me.
You can imagine how I felt when my phone rang and it wasn't Kyle on the other end. I tripped over myself, dashing about madly when I found out where he was. I knew I should've gone with him, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
I demanded to see him the second I arrived, yelling at every nurse nearby until I was taken to him. He gave me this sloppy, drugged up grin as he caught sight of me. He looked like he needed it; bruises covered more of him than was visible, disappearing up under his sleeves.
"I told you to let me come with you," I half shouted.
"Shhh," he giggled. I didn't want to, I had plenty more to shout at him. But I figured it'd be a waste of my breath if I yelled at him now. Biting down on my lower lip, I decided to save it til he was home, or at least sober.
"The kids are asleep," he gestured at his very awake neighbours. I was doing my best to calm down, I promise. His eyes turned to me as I sat down in the hard plastic chair beside his bed.
"What happened?" I asked.
"What happened what?"
"How did you end up here?"
"I hit a car," he grinned, "but it was a transformer so it cheated." I reached over and twisted my fingers into his hair, reassuring myself that he was still there, that he was okay. "Are we in Disneyland?"
"No, gorgeous, we're in a hospital," I told him gently. I couldn't stay mad at him. It wasn't his fault, not really. I'd get mad if I ever found that creep though. It was his fault Kyle wasn't having a lazy day in bed with me.
"Are you hurt?"
"No, I'm fine. It's you that's hurt."
"Oh. But I never get hurt."
"Well the doctors here seem to think you are. Just play along with it for me, okay?" I did my best to keep my voice steady and calm for him. Inside my head it was a different story. I wasn't all that keen on hospitals anyway, mostly 'cause most of them knew I was a drug user so if I ended up here they'd try and fucking do something weird to me. I did my best to shut those paranoid thoughts out and focused on Kyle. I shuffled my chair closer to him so I could reach to kiss his forehead. I was totally lost. In case you haven't noticed yet, I'm not often responsible for anything. Certainly not looking after someone else. I just haven't got a clue.
When Kyle started complaining that his hip hurt, I began to wonder if it'd be even more fucked up now because of that previous injury. I told him it'd be okay, but he complained until a nurse came over and dosed him up with some more morphine. I just sat there being useless. The doctor walked over and explained to me what had happened to him.
He told me that kyle's hip was well and truly fucked over, he'll need to attend regular physiotherapy for at least a few months, he'll probably have to walk with a cane for the rest of his life, and that he stands a very high chance of getting arthritis in his hip by the time he's forty. That didn't sound too hopeful. He also quietly said Kyle would probably have to quit his job. I had no idea how to break that to him. I just nodded and pretended that I knew what to do.
The next day, Kyle was sent home with some pretty strong pain meds. I had mixed feelings about it: I was glad he was going to be at home, but I had no idea if I'd be able to look after him properly.
As I took him back home, he mentioned that he loved me a few hundred times, pulling me into bed with an "ow" as I tried to tuck him in.
"Careful," I muttered against his hair as I kissed his forehead.
"When do I have to go back to work?" he asked.
"Um, about that," I bit my lip as he looked up at me. "You can't go back to work. The doctors said you've fucked up your hip too much."
"Oh," he said sadly. I actually felt bad. Considering how much I'd wanted him out of that job, now that he had no choice, I didn't want him to have to quit if that was what he wanted to be doing.
I cuddled him carefully. "I'm sorry gorgeous."
"What'm I s'posed to do now?" He cuddled back.
"Stay at home being pretty?" I suggested with a faint laugh.
"But we need money," he protested.
"I have my savings," I reminded him. Nearly an entire college fund. That'd keep the roof over our heads til we could both find something better.
"But that's for college," he mumbled. I was a little surprised he remembered, considering I'd mentioned it maybe twice, years ago.
"I'm getting a bit old for college."
"No you're not."
"I don't even know what I want to do at college, or where I'll go," I shrugged, "it just doesn't seem like a realistic option anymore." I wasn't sure if I meant that or if I was talking myself out of going to college because I'd feel bad for Kyle if I went. I mean, I'd be away so much and he'd be on his own, if he could keep his dick in his pants that long.
"Don't give up," he told me sleepily.
I played with his hair gently, "I belong with you now," I smiled.
He returned my smile, "I know, I just don't want you to give up on your dreams 'cause of me," he said as he snuggled up to me. No I could feel him falling asleep on me. I just played with his hair. He was too out of it for a conversation like this and I was just too... Well, me. He snuffled as I wrapped my arms around him in a cuddle. "I wants you to be happy." And with that, he was out like a light. Problem was, I wanted him to be happy too, and I just couldn't see that happening if I was away at college.