Rayn: To Shut Me UpMature

Kyle kept calling me. I put my phone on silent and shot up enough heroin to stop myself from wrecking the place. Eventually I picked up the phone. I’m not sure why. I was in the middle of trying to get a drink, but I kept dropping the glass. I put the phone down on the side on loud speaker, going back to trying to get that drink.

"Rayn, please believe me. I'm not cheating on you, I swear.”

"How m'I s'posed to believe that?" I asked, my voice slow, like treacle. Or something like that.

He let out a sigh, "I don't know."

I dropped the glass in the sink again, "You keep buying me stuff I didn't ask for, you get presents from someone, and you spend all your time away from home fuckin’ other people anyway, so it's not like I'm jumping to any insane conclusions here."

"I keep buying you things because I like treating you," he told me through my swearing fit as I’d managed to fill the glass with water only for it to slip back down into the basin, spilling the water and ruining my efforts. Why was this so hard? "Rayn"


"When're you coming home?"

"When I know if you're telling the truth," I mumbled.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Please come home, gorgeous," he said, but I didn’t know what to do. All I wanted was a drink. My head felt fuzzy. Everything was going so slowly.

"Who keeps sending you stuff?"

"I don't know," he told me. I dropped the glass again, except this time it ended up on the floor and broke. I watched the bits of glass dancing around my feet like little sparks, as a bunch of words left my mouth. I’m not sure what I was even saying. "Where are you?" he asked.

"Den," my mouth replied before my brain could catch up and stop me.

"I'm coming over," he announced. No, that wasn’t supposed to happen. Wasn’t that why I was here, half paralysed by how much junk I’d got in my veins?

"Why?" I whined.

"Because I want to talk to you properly." I complained, firstly at him, and then I think he hung up and I ended up just shouting at the sparks on the floor because they could hear me, y’see. I wasn’t sure what happened between that and him getting there. I’d abandoned the glass and something I’d been trying to eat in the kitchen, and was lying on a mattress on the floor that had some suspicious stains on it.

I felt it sink down beside me and almost jumped out of my skin as I saw the skinny blonde man beside me. Well, I would’ve, but I could barely move. I felt like my insides were doing one thing, and my outsides were doing something totally different.

“I love you,” he said, playing with my hair. He sounded so far away. I wasn’t sure if he was touching me or if my hair was just moving of its own accord. Maybe both.

“I love you too,” I mumbled innocently, feeling arms wrap around me tightly.

"Why would I cheat on you?" he questioned.

"I don't know. Because you might not like me anymore."

"Of course I still like you."

"You might not think I'm good enough 'cause I'm too small or I don't fuck you enough or I'm too girly," or a hundred other reasons.

"When has any of that ever bothered me enough to not like you?"

"I don't know," I mumbled.

He pulled me against him, "I'll love you til the day I die, silly." I buried my face in his chest, clinging to him a little. I felt his hug turn protective as my eyes started to close.


The next thing I was aware of was the smell of waffles in the air. I cracked open my eyes, to be greeted by the sight of roses and fairy lights and other pretty things decorating the place.

“Where am I?” I asked, looking around.

“Same place as you were last night," Kyle told me, wandering in with a plate that I guessed was full of waffles. I glanced around again.

"It's too pretty to be the den," I half said to myself, wondering how he’d managed to make the place look so good. He kissed my cheek, presenting me with waffles that were drowning in chocolate sauce. I rolled a joint to ease my headache and get myself an appetite so I could tackle the waffles, sharing it with Kyle when the munchies kicked in. We snuggled up as I ate, feeling a fair bit more content than I was the night before, to say the least.

"So you've never done anything with anyone else?" I looked up at him all wide eyed, trying to figure out if I could find a shred of dishonesty in his expression as he shook his head. "Never ever?"

He shook his head again. "Not since I've been with you, if you ignore that time I was high when Damien was staying with us." I had most certainly ignoring that time, and continued to ignore it as I sort of snuck my way into his lap.

"Only the stuff you got paid for?"  He nodded, cuddling me. I leant into him, tilting my head as he kissed my neck a few times. I mumbled a very quiet apology for being a dick to him and he told me it was okay as I leant my head on his shoulder, feeling him kiss the top of it.

He snuggled with me, "I'm sorry all the presents worried you. I can stop, if you want?"

"It's up to you," I said, my mind half wandering to who Kyle was getting presents from if it wasn’t some guy he was cheating on me with. He kissed the top of my head again.

"I just wanted to treat you, y'know? You deserve it."

"I didn't mean to be ungrateful or anything,” I told him, worried now that I’d offended him by thinking his gifts were just something to keep me quiet.

"It's fine,” he smiled.

"I do like them. I just... it was the timing,” I bit my lip a little as he cuddled me some more.

"Sorry for worrying you."

"S'okay,” I hummed, glad that he was happy just to snuggle. I kind of needed it – it was reassuring to feel him pressed up against me. I looked around the room again. "Thank you for making it pretty," I smiled faintly.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled back, telling me it was fine each time I apologised. Eventually, he planted a long kiss on my lips just to shut me up. I didn’t mind. 

The End

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