After I’d dropped the spare key off with Jeanette, I holed up inside the apartment barely leaving the couch at all. Aside from getting high and deciding to re-tame Scruffles, all I did was sit on the sofa and watch Disney films and eat.
The next day, I still hadn’t left the sofa except to pee, though I appeared to have made a mess of the place at some point. I didn’t remember doing that, but at least Scruffles was being friendly again. I heard the key in the door and momentarily panicked before remembering Kyle was still in jail. Jeanette stepped over the collection of plates and stuff I’d thrown around, smiling at me.
“Thought I told you to go see Kyle.” I shrugged, not looking up. She cleaned up a bit, and I just sat there, playing with Scruffles. Poor guy had missed me. Jeanette looked over at me. “You can't spend all day in here, sweetie," she told me.
“Can,” I muttered. I’d managed it yesterday.
"Not if I kick you out for the day." I ignored her. “Please go and see him, Rayn."
"I'm sure he misses you and I can't imagine this is easy for him, either." I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything at all. I glanced up at her when she sighed, and she sort of looked at me before going back to cleaning up after me. I kept quiet again, curling up so I was facing the back of the couch. If she thought she was gonna guilt trip me with her being there, she had another thing coming. "If you won't go see him, I will. Y'know if he loses the trial and they class it as murder you'll be a widower, right?” A widower? "And let's face it, Kyle's not got the best history, has he?”
“What d’you mean?” I asked her quietly.
"Well he ran away from home, has a history of drug use and worked as whore. Plus the stuff with Matt means they'll no doubt think he's playing the victim since he's had practice already. You'd be surprised what lawyers can dig up when they want to get someone put in jail."
“I don’t want him to go to jail,” I mumbled.
"He won't if they class it as murder.” I curled up into a tighter little ball at that. "I guess I'll see you later, then." She left me where I was. They wouldn’t kill Kyle, would they? She was nearly outside by the time I caught up with her. "Nice to see you changed your mind." I didn’t say anything to her and we spent the drive to the prison in silence. My brain didn’t want to work, and I didn’t really care. I waited while Jeanette sorted out the visitor things. "He's only allowed one visitor, sweetie. I figured it should be you." She told me when she came back to me. Wait, I had to go see him alone? What would I say to him? I hugged her and she cuddled back.
Kyle looked all depressed and had his eyes fixed on the floor when I got in there. I sat down opposite him, still unsure of what to say. He didn’t look up at me. I don’t think there’s any point pretending that that didn’t upset me a bit.
I looked at him all wide eyed and "You're not allowed to go," I told him.
"You're not allowed to go,” I repeated with a sniffle.
"Anywhere,” I said innocently.
"I'm stuck in here, then"
I thumped my head down on the table that separated us. "That's not what I mean."
"I know," he chuckled the tiniest bit, but I squished my face into the table. He started playing with my hair. I felt myself tense up a bit as he touched me. I didn’t think he’d notice, and I didn’t want him to either in case he was still mad at me and I didn’t want him to be more mad, but he did notice and stopped and I didn’t know what to do.
Kyle just sat there looking sad and I couldn’t stay there. I felt like he was mad at me still and if he wasn’t, he should be.
“Sorry,” I mumbled as I got up.
"For what?” he asked, not looking at me.
"Being so fucked up.” I didn’t wait to hear what he had to say to that. I kind of just walked out.