I’d say I’m a fairly happy person most days. I’m usually okay with who I am, and what I’m doing with my life, and what’s planned for my future. I’m completely calm and satisfied most of the time. But always, there’s that day that comes along, where something or someone tips the scale in my mind and I become a complete mess. I mean straight “I don’t want to eat anything," “sad-meaningful-song playing," “reflecting deeply on my life as I stare at the ceiling trying not to cry" kind of mood. And it’s all linked to my anxiety.
I went to church today. I’m not a super religious person, but over the past few days while I was struggling trying to get out of this mood, which I knew could develop into a serious bout of depression, I’ve been given little pieces of wisdom that kept nudging me in a certain direction. This morning, the scale was tipped in the positive direction, with the simplest of words:
The Lord doesn’t want us to live our lives in fear.
I don’t know why it took hearing someone else say what I already knew to be true for me to finally get to this point, but it did. I realize that I am afraid - afraid of change, of rejection, of an overall failure, and I will probably carry some fear for the rest of my life. That fear has it’s animalistic purpose, to preserve my body so that I can live to see another day. But what day is worth living in where I have not gained a thing I truly want? I need to work past this human fear to gain the things that have been destined to be mine. This is the day that I decide to turn my anxiety into courage.