"I bet you are wondering how I got here." the man wearing a bunny onesie, construction boots, a denim vest and a cowboy hat had started saying.
He had cornered me at a party. I had spent some time trying to avoid him--but I also wanted to enjoy snacks and delicious beverages at the local punch bowl and refreshments table. I could hide--but only for so long, until this man showed up again. He had a couple of friends... all dressed in outfits they claim have no anachronist values and are entirely cromulant period clothing for normal humans here that were not in fact time travellors.
"No... I really do not care how you got here. Go away." I plead with him.
I try to walk away--but I am blocked by a crowd of people.
"You see, people like to feel superior for understanding stuff that they do not know how to explain to others. True knowledge comes from being able to convey complex ideas in a way that even the biggest fools can understand them."
"That is very nice" I say as I eye various possible paths away from this very annoying person.
"Time as you will--is not merely a single progression of events in a single direction. What you understand as a single dimension of time is in fact two dimensions of time."
"Very lovely" I try to do what I can to indicate somebody should come in and rescue me.
One person looks like he is about to--but is immediately harassed by another of this persons friends. Who then ends up running off. Mouthing what looks like "oh heavens please, leave me alone"
"What is more time is actual something that runs in five dimensions. Making navigating time in atypical manners a construct similar to optical illusions. This would be so much easier if you understood the Time Cube and the 96 Hour Day."
I just think about how racist that bullshit really stands. I want away from this stupid asshole. I mean, maybe he is a time traveller or maybe he is merely a crazy person. There does not exist any possible test to easily tell the two apart. Sure you could measure various particles coming of them to indicate any weird aging evident here--the issue is that occasionally crazy people have similar particles and produce false positives. One does have to wonder if increased exposure to said particles does make one less able to be comprehended. I mean... the time travellers seem to honestly believe their outfits are not anachronistic in nature. They will act indignant if you tell it to them, and will go on for far too long about how much research they've put into knowing these are how people of the current time and era dress.
"You see, from somebody only able to operate on a 24 Hour day, the writings about the 96 Hour Day are incomprehensible. As once you've gained comprehension of a 96 Hour Day, you are now working within the frame of a 96 Hour Day... and it creates all kinds of barriers to those operating on only a 24 Hour Day."
I sip my drink in a very irritated manner and method. Why... why couldn't I just come to a party and have fun? Why did I have to deal with somebody I cannot tell if they are a time travellor or a crazy person trying to help me understand information nobody in this time period should know about anyways. I mean, this would only be a temporal paradox from a rather selfish loop. In the case of understanding two seperate events happening one after each other with no clear starting event, as the clearing of each event allows for a start of the next without any major issues or hassles. It just seems confusing if you try to be rather arrogant about such matters. Still--what point could these assholes have to go back in time, and prove they can explain this stuff to us.
It would be like a teacher of electronics going back to the stone age and proving they know their material by having the people that lived back then constructing HAM radios from materials they can find and have access to. As much as Flint and Twine based HAM radios would prove you know the material being taught... there has got to be a less ridiculous method to prove you know electronics. I mean... maybe if I knew electronics I could brain storm a couple possible methods to prove knowledge that are a little bit less ridiculous.
"Some early discovers of the 96 Hour Day confused awareness of this concept with a form of spiritual enlightenment. As somebody who knows of that time frame, I could certainly understand that feeling. So naturally there is some writings that might have them thinking they can speak of other political and religious matters that they have not gained the qaulifications to speak regarding. However--just the sheer joy of successfully working in the 96 Hour Day and the powerful feeling it causes would easily have one make such mistakes as to not realising other areas of knowledge still need to be increased."
He was still talking. Can I go back to the old days where the fun of parties was interrupted by people trying to get into my pants? You know prior to all the mythological beasties, demons, devils, goblins, spirits, fairies and what not were confirmed to have been real and known about for some time. With the government doing a really terrible job at covering it up--but nobody finding out because nobody really gave a shit to look for proof. Like with them looking for all kinds of ridiculous things, like proof Steel was incapable of melting, the mythology behind the lost city of Benghazi, the ancient mixed race all gender orgies that the sunken city of New Orleans participated in, and what not.
Maybe I'll just think about the myths and legends of New Orleans while he talks. Distract myself with a weird mixture of Troy, Soddom, Ghammora and Atlanta. Though we have proof Atlanta, Georgia exists, it is also fairly understood that Plato was writing his works about Atlanta (and its infamous Boardwalk) as a metaphor for a society as a whole worshiping the Nintendo Game "Kid Icarus".
Wait... none of that seemed correct at all. What is going on here? That is a VERY garbled version of events of reality. Oh god... what if this person was very very sick and contagious. I might be catching brain fever from this asshole.
"You guys currently have invented basic Mathematic correct? Sometimes I forget whether the Principia Mathmatica exists at this point in time. I mean... if it hasn't been invented yet--this next metaphor might not work. You know how high level of math makes sense to people well trained in it--but to a person not learned in it, it just seems like nonsense. Even while metitating upon suck matters, it is nigh incomprehensible until you've gained a level of understanding for it."
Oh wait no... maybe my brain cells and intelligent thought are just shutting down so as to allow me safety from considering what I am being told. I think I am failing several save throws for sanity regarding this situation.
"Many people from my time don't understand the true origins of math and how it was helpful for people to gain enlightenment. With many thinking 'Charles Cantor' is akin to the Beatles for how people handled their messianic abilities. However it turns out Charles Cantor is just a person who gained a decent ability--and that anybody can be Charles Cantor. This is harder to know with the more Math flavoured versions of Buddism with the Twelve Veda getting names of different mathematicians. It being more Buddism teachings--but given a math style and flavour. As we all know the Twelve Veda are not native concepts to math."
This is why people do drugs. I completely understand why people do drugs now. Because they have to deal with assholes like this person. Annoying assholes like this yahoo. Well, I've already spent this much time without being able to run from him. The crowd is still fairly thick. Any exit would require me looking like a crazed lunatic as I fled from him. I should have stayed home and watched reruns of "Everybody Loves Lizard Person Raymond". It isn't much--but you have to be honest when it was tagged, "because we don't think it is possible for a show to be less funny, and anything at worst is a lateral move"
Most of the humour derived from being socially awkward and not understanding basic human interaction... which "Everybody Loves Lizard Person Raymond" was generally unable to have the same amounts of socially awkward misunderstandings... even with Lizard Person Raymond having no clue as to the basic interactions with other people... and often confused basic human biology. Occasionally without fatal side effects. It was canceled after the fifth incident where somebody got injured in performing stunts on the show.
"Either way--going with the version of math prior to it having various major figures reworked into Buddhist Vedas it had these things called equations. I must apologise--it is so much easier to explain if you could share 96 Hour Day space with me. Now just imagine the coordinates of the Five Kardashian Planes for Time, BTW I do love the local show featuring the Kardashian in his shower stall teaching Science and History. The television special by CBC of The Five Kardashians is still popular and well run. While cancelled for a bit during its historically long run, it came back darker and edgier... and still works quite well. After it calmed down with the eleventh Kardashian."
I have to wonder if perhaps the many different sets of events that lead to the future are the only places in the past these assholes can go to. That would generally explain their high amounts of ineptitute to a much better amount. Explaining it as being much harder to comprehend what actually happened in the past to levels archeologists only have fevered night terrors about today.
"Right... so each point on the Five Kardashian Plans of Time expand out to stuff on three spacial planes. Creating information for fifteen spacial plans. As a form of gainy decompression. We all know gainy decompression is the counterpart to lossy compression. With stuff just being guessed to fill in the blank spots when decompressing some data or information. This does allow multiple things to be in various places at various points in time upon a time shift. Though--that is typically understood as a set of precision errors. Which are hard to truly completely take account for handling."
Is... is this what being an artist feels like? Am... am I an artist. I feel like nothing is worth anything anymore. Nothing is of any value. All my efforts are worthless. That I am gaining praise for only the most stupid bullshit... and shit, my Muse spent tonight home watching reruns of Everybody Loves Lizard Person Raymond. Hate it when that happens. If only I had the money to keep my Muse drunk and with tickets to bands and going to night clubs. With various meaningless hook ups so as to hide herself from her inspirations with just cheap tripe that feels good but is generally meaningless.
"I am certain you are aware of optical illusions. Things that look like one thing, but from other angles their true nature shows."
Well... from one angle you look like a buffoon. But from other angles you true nature of a stupid asshole jerk are much more obvious.
"Moving in atypical paths through time is kind of like that."
Wait... is he done. Holy crap, I think he might be moving to a conclusion.
"So... much like computers are hard to explain or talk about without language evolving to hold dialogue. So is moving atypically through time. However it is still possible and you can show higher skill by explaining things without extensive amounts of Jargon."
Is that a conclusion. Can I leave now? My head hurts--brain cells are begging for alcohol to have them relieved of this misery.
"Any questions--or do you think you got it?"
"Wow, that is just so deep and meaningful. I love how good you explained it. I feel like I truly understand it."
"I am fairly awesome."
He goes running off to some of his other friends. They smack each others faces a couple times then hook elbows press their bellies.
Yeah... I'm just going to go home and watch reruns of Everybody Loves Lizard Person Raymond. Hell... I'd even take Everybody Loves Raymond at this point. Actually no--I am not that depressed and bad feeling. I still have some standards in my television show watching entertainment.