"Hey... I betcha you'd wuss out on this."
"What no--it just doesn't turn me on."
"What are you, scared--or a homo?"
"I just don't want to try it out."
"So... a homo then. A homo homo McHomo who is Gay."
"No--just the scene that girl hangs out it... it just ain't my style."
"So you are scared then."
Chris and Tim had been arguing back and forth walking up the street to the local cemetery. They each were working on a bottle of cheap ass terrible beer. The kind kids bought because it tasted horrible. Ironic piss water if you will. They had heard about women hanging out at the local cemetery at night.
Tim continues, "look, the Goth chick style just ain't my scene."
Chris, "I heard they weren't Goths. They dress all hipster like. Like value village clothing."
They both walk taking sips of their drink. They were carrying some more bottles in a cardboard case as they walked.
Chris continued, "You know what else I heard? Some of them just dance around naked."
Tim scoffs and rolls his eyes, "Yeah... creepy Goth girls. Never was a thing I was into."
Chris pulls out his phone, and pulls up some pictures from some Goth porn website. Tim pushes the phone away.
The two walk up to a sign that says "Semetary" leading to a field with tombstones, trees and darkness. There was an eerie mist.
Tim makes a terrible face, "Great... Goths who hang around with dead pets."
Chris looks confused at Tim, "Huh what?"
Tim elaborates, "Some stupid book some nerds tried to get me to read in school. Something about a dead cat or something and coming to terms with loss. Prolly one of those stupid Penguin books where it ends terribly."
Chris winks and nudges, "Always knew you to be one to want a 'happy ending'" then just giggles.
"Yeah... this is stupid. Those girls probably won't show. It is just a dumb rumour."
"You're a dumb rumour!"
"You know who is a dumb rumour, your mom!"
"Your face is a dumb rumour!"
"Your mom's face is a dumb rumour!"
A female voice calls out to interrupt the argument, "That is what she said!"
Tim and Chris turn to look over at the stranger. She had short hair in an almost bob cut. She was wearing what looked like rags. Probably some Hot Topic fad type outfit. Who can understand the sorts that shop at hot topic. She was sitting on top of one of the tombstones.
The girl continues, "damn you two are loud, you could wake the dead!"
The girl stretches and yawns and jumps down. Walks over to Tim and Chris. Who were stiff, quiet and awkward. She asks, "What do I owe this meeting to you two over?"
Chris butts Tim aside, "Hi I'm Chris, my friend here is unimportant... pleased to meet you. I love you."
Tim elbows Chris and remarks to Chris, "idiot, don't tell her you love her, you just met her."
The girl walks up to Chris, puts her hand over his chin, "While I usually would agree with Unimportant over there... you two are cute."
Tim moves forward, "I'm Tim... and I would love to know your name--you seem quite nice."
The girl curtsies and greets, "My name is Thelma. Pleased to make your acquiantance."
Chris and Tim then found themselves in a whirlwind of kissing with the new girl and touching and soon both their clothes were off and on the ground--with the duo sandwiching and spit roasting Thelma. They lost track of time, and eventually collapsed after a lot of love making with Thelma.
As they drifted off, "it is so nice that I have some men not worried about having sex with me."
Chris and Tim woke up the next morning. Both nude and in the grave yard. The rags of Thelma were on the ground. Tim starts up, "why did she worry about men not wanting her? She was awesome. Of all the sex in my life she was the best."
Chris replies, "Well... I did check for a weiner. BTW that is what happened when my hand was on your slong, bro. Now that I woke up, I can confirm the vagina I applied my mad sex skills was hers."
"Yeah right--you were just doing a covert hand job on me you homo."
"Eh, not as gay as me fucking you with a pussy would be. I mean... if that Thelma had a dick it would still be kind of hetero--because I was there and I'm that much more male. But you there bro, would tip the scale and make it gay."
"Your mom is gay!"
"Your face is gay!"
"Your mom's face is gay!"
The two are interrupted by the familiar voice again, "That is what she said!"
Tim and Chris turn around... and see a walking corpse wearing Tim's shirt. She is holding two plates with scrambled eggs and toast on them. "Mmmm~ Good morning~ Haven't fucked two total virgins for a good thirty years now~"
Tim mutters, "I don't know what you are talking about."
Chris stops Tim, "No... no... she knows, no use trying to lie about it."
"What... but you are constantly talking about..."
"Sometimes, I try to act like I've had more sex than I have had."
"Why... are you changing stuff now."
"Because milady has made us a decent breakfast. We must respect her."
"'milady' is a Zombie..."
"A sexy zombie."
"True, bro, very true."
Tim and Chris grab their plates. Tim asks, "But Thelma... you don't have anything for breakfast."
Thelma puts her mouth over Tim's member. Chris starts shouting, "oh! oh! oooooooohhhhhh! YEAH!"