I was reading my book as I watched television. Who am I? Well, a fairly generic protagonist, to allow anybody to self insert themselves in my place. I'd like to think I am fairly awesome and stuff. What with my hair that is just shy of being godiva hair and cover my nipples on my 32C breasts. Why does it require so much hair to actually do that? So much length required. My sides of my head are shaven--so maybe that makes the task harder to accomplish. Fairly decent hips--and a butt that is not flat. I mean... the squats I've been doing have been to give myself a large butt. I like to work out. Not certain whether my dick counts as a large sized one, I grew up around a lot of first nations men. Apparently, what I consider "smallish by Cree standards" is still fairly size-able by the standards of the rest of the world.
So my, fairly generic protagonist self (it is like I was committee created... the committee of awesomeness) was reading a book... with the television on in the background. I think I was on one of those music video channels. I heard a rumour that they sometimes play music videos on those channels. Right now they were playing a clip show where they searched the Internet for weird videos and played them on the show.
They had just finished doing, "Lamias are Cray Cray" for a theme of videos that was largely Lamias chasing laser points, being tricked into hugging things--and I felt kind of bad. As they weren't really being that crazy, so much as people were messing with them. Then posting it onto YouTube, and now this darn show.
The door bell dings... or buzzes... or whatever that damned noise is. I was in an apartment building, and somebody was using my number to try to get in. Probably that stuff I had ordered from Newegg finally showing up. I mean... I just want to play a game that is like three years old... and somehow I still need a new video card for it to play at a decent frame rate. PC Master Race my freaking ass... PC Master Freaking Special Olympics Last Place Loser is more like it. At least with consoles the game works without me having to get new equipment every few weeks.
I pick up my smart phone, and answer it--as that is where the ding buzz special ring tone was coming from. The other end was all "delivery for Mx. Payne"
That clearly was the parts I ordered... finally, I'll be able to play the game at an astonishly speedy fast 12FPS frame-rate. I'm living the dream. Maybe... dare I dream... 12.5FPS? Nay... mustn't get my hopes up on the matter.
I hit the number code to let them in the front door. Sometimes, when I lost the little fob to open the door, I'd just buzz myself, and answer my own cell phone. It... was handy to have it like this.
In moments I heard a knocking on my door. I open the peep hole... and see it is somebody from a delivery company of some manner. I open the door... sign for the package. Then take it in, and realised it wasn't from New Egg. It was from some weird botany company. Universe Peace Botany Ltd's brand was all over the box.
The delivery person wasn't around.
Well... my place was lacking in house plants--and a few of my friends had bitched about it. This might just be them being helpful. I should post a status on Facebook later thanking them for it. Whoever it was--it didn't appear to have any note who it was from. Or at least not as I was opening it up.
I go through the components. One was a really large pot--too small for any kind of seedling to be expected to grow. Some seeds--specialised plant food (listed as "Not Fotliser--fed ladr!"... the company has a sense of humour--I will wait later then).
I go through the instructions--which appeared to be scribbled on in crayon, and well... despite the terrible spelling and grammar, it was far more straight forward than any instructions from IKEA.
I managed to put the plant together in the pot like it said... and then mostly just watched the music video channel--until it got to a reality television show where they were constructing a band out of monster girls "Music and the Monster" I think it was called. It was mostly Snakes, Spiders, Ogres and what not this season. The first season they didn't do that well with the safe furry cat girls, fox girls and what not--so the second season they decided to be all risky. Then found out that Lamias, Nagas, Dryders, Arachneas, etc. are actually MORE popular with people than Cat Girls. The host was a Robot Golem. Talking about how she was a Gynoid--but her profiles on most places have her as a Golem. Which is a nice way around making Androids and Gynoids.
I eventually get a message from New Egg saying their delivery had been delayed due to some form of altercation involving Orcs, a Centaur and like... fifty slimes (or maybe one slime--they couldn't easily tell)--apparently over parking validation. I mean, I can understand the matter of parking validation being a hot button in some cases. You don't want to get your vehicle towed. Even more so if it is a specialised form of vehicle, like those monsters would require.
I get ready, and decide to spend the Saturday Night in a much better way. Go to the night club, drink alcohol, dance a little--and be ignored by all the guys for various Monster Girls in the club. Eh... my dick is bigger than theirs anyways. I'm just not certain if the Monster Girls are there to enjoy themselves, or about flirting. Figured I'd assume it is for fun--not finding some bed to land in.
I get back to my place at 2 AM... all sweaty and my clothing not in the nice state they started the evening. My make up isn't what it was when I went out. No idea how some people keep it all together this long. I pass out on my bed--which I need to start remembering to make in the morning. I was in a small one bedroom apartment, so I had managed to forget about the whole plant thing when I woke up the next morning. It was beside the couch anyways.
I go to the bathroom--brush my teeth, wash my face--and yeah, I need to start remembering to remove my make up before I crash. That... that cannot be good for my skin. I move into the kitchen to each... well, based upon how much light is in the apartment it is somewhere close to noon. It is far too early in the morning for it to be noon for me though. So, I figured I'd get some breakfast to eat.
Figured I'd do up some Pancakes, Hash Browns and Bacon--and the weird bit was it felt like I was being helped while cooking these. Like having things I needed handed to me. Stuff helped being poured out. I didn't even notice that I had made two plates of food for myself. I must have been hungry and tired still. The french press I had my coffee in was ready to pour into my cup. I head into the living room, to sit down...
And then I see her. She was green and purple. Rather shapely in front of me... except her face seemed to be carved into her green... trunk? With the eye carving making some light. She had nice hips--and long legs that had little bits of vines and leaves coming off of them. She didn't seem to have feet... so much as hair roots coming out of the bottom of her two leg trunks. Branch legs? She had two greenish purple arms that... didn't so much have hands, so much as split into smaller branches that she used to pick things up. Like... if somebody had fingers that started at their elbows--but also had fingers splitting off those fingers, that they could manipulate stuff with.
I look over at the potted plant, back to her.. and back to the potted plant. Which seemed to have a hole where she would have gotten up and walked out of that pot. "So, uh... my name is Nick... what do I call you?"
The greenish purple girl has a single vine come from behind her, and put itself onto my temple, "You shall call me whatever you want... for I am now yours. To do with what you will."
Call me skeptical, but when girls tell me that, I tend to think they are putting on a show. You know, to impress me... for reasons I've never fully understood. I think the beauty before me noted this as she continued, "If you want to chop me up, light me on fire or fill me with termites, that is your own desire. For I am the House Slave Shrub--and I exist for your every whim."
I figured I should get a name for her... She was magical... and made out of wood--or at least made my wood hard... magical hard rod of wood... Wanda. I decide to say the name out loud, "I shall call you Wanda... because you magically make for hard rods... or something. It sounded less awkward in my head."
I looked around my place--and noticed it was completely straightened out. I was eating my breakfast--of which Wanda was eating her own breakfast. Because I thought it was weird if she wasn't.... wow it is going to be hard getting used to her being able to hear my whims without me saying them. Hope I don't accidentally think some terrible things.
Wanda naturally adds, "I understand that your thought patterns and forms are not inclined to be straight forward. That you are going to think about things you have no intentions of doing. That is why I'd prefer if you spoke your desires out loud. Makes things safer for both of us. Also--it tends to make people who own House Slave Shrubs feel much better about themselves."
Well, my friends complained about no house plants. Well, now I have a single one... and I don't think I need more than just this one. Maybe I'll get some movie or band posters. I should figure out what things Wanda likes.
"My only like, wish and desire is to serve you, my owner."
I kind of believer her when she tells me that too. Call me weird about that. Eh, if I cannot get tail, she is waiting for me, I suppose. I mean, she isn't an equal, and doesn't want to be--though, I should make certain she has work. Not giving her work probably is not a good idea.