I sit at the table calmly. Last nights discussion with Jonathan racing through my mind. Could I do? Could I really plan a murder?
I look across at my husband and feel nothing but disgust. I keep in off my face especially since his son, William, from his first marriage is sat straight across from me. He has a sight of any emotion that slips onto my face.
The fact my husbands son is older than me disgusts me more. I mean my husband is 40 years old and he's starting to look decrepid. I never asked to marry him. My father forced me too. He said it was 'best for the family'. What about what's best for me? He didnt seem to care about that. I had lied with my husband once on the night after our marriage.
The memory still haunts me in my dreams sometimes. The only good ones are of Jonathan. Of consumating my marriage with him. Not that I havent already lied with him during one our little trips into the woods. I have to stop the little girlish giggle coming to my lips.
William glances at me stonaly from across the table. I know he hates me and at first I tried to be nice to him but now I just ignore it. Today though I cant take it. I place down my spoon moving my napkin out of my lap. "May I go, husband?" I say looking at the old crinkily face.
"Yes, Elizabeth" Edrick replies. I stand and hold out my hand which he takes and kisses. Bile rises to my throat but I keep my face calm. I nod to him and then William before turning and leaving. I walk down the halls briskly.
This has got to end. Jonathan is right I need to escape.... murder is the only way.