Melissa: All That I Am.Mature

I don’t know what to do. So he has kids in the pack... I don’t want anything to do with that. The pack itself... I’m not scared of them, I believe it when they say they’ll leave me alone, but I’m scared what they can make me do. Just the presence of them, now I’ve been close and I know they’re scent my blood calls to destroy them, it calls for war. My dreams were littered with history, past battles I’ve won and lost against packs and lone wolves I had strength when I accepted my darkest self, I know I had the supernatural strength that vampires had I just don’t want to accept it. I don’t want to accept that I’m a vampire, that I have darkness in my soul, it’s saved me so many times now though... can I really keep denying it?

The way Lazarus avoided my eyes, how he couldn’t look at me. I have seen myself in the reflection of the water when I was in Germany once. A wolf had found out I was there and was chasing me through the forest. I saw my eyes change to red, my muscles tightening and the snarl on my face I licked my fangs. I took him down; he was only about a century old and an omega in the pack. Either way, though, they did not take kindly to me killing one of their own and I had to run. The monster is what breaks our camouflage; there are a few ‘feral vampires’ that live out in mountains and inhospitable places, but the rest of us choose to deny our nature to live among humans. I’ve already given up daylight, food and drink. I don’t want to give up everything else that I can still relate to as being ‘human.’

I looked at myself in the mirror, washing off Kito’s blood from my face. I was, in as much as I can be, normal. But I couldn’t risk it just yet, I could still hear the chorus of wolf blood echoing through the day and I couldn’t risk it just to be with Lazarus, I wanted to go over there and persuade him I wasn’t just who he saw last night, I was who he first knew... but I couldn’t do it while I still wanted to drink were blood with the appetite I have I don’t know if I’d be able to let him go alive and I’ve already heard his heart slow to a soft murmur more than enough times for a vamp’s lifetime.

I changed into clean clothes, throwing the old ones into the fire upstairs before tearing open a few blood bags and slurping them down hungrily. There are many creatures in this world, probably more than the ones that I know and each taste differently; some are even poisonous to us but werewolf blood is the crème de la crème and it’s what has sparked a feud between us. That and the fact they are highly territorial and hate it when you drink on their land, so, we too can invoke such a status... but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. It would mean that Lazarus would be under my control – but I’d be able to get rid of the pack.

All I’d have to do was to see Isis and ask if she’d hand over the ownership to me, even a being such as her would still be susceptible to me if I could get close... but I was up for talking first... that was, if I wanted to invoke claim over this land: if I wanted to have claim over everyone in it. That was my one problem... I didn’t. I sat watching the flames flicker for a moment before dousing the flames. I guess I needed to see Lazarus now, but, some part of me figured he would be in a drunken state, still not weaned from his new life source. That would only anger me more and I couldn’t cope, but then, he thought I’d left him again and he would probably never be sober.

So, I decided to play my violin instead. This day would get very lonely and long, but, it would be the best time to see Lazarus seeing as my beast would be asleep. A few hours later, making it four o’clock, I pulled a cloak around me and pulled up my hood. Lazarus, please be sober.

The End

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