He took my hand and pulled me out of there. By then I had calmed down, but I couldn’t shake what had happened, what they had made me do. The look on Lazarus’ face and all of it, I couldn’t live here I had never been so close to a pack and I didn’t like it. But Bane would hate me if I broke Lazarus’ heart and he’d hunt me down to kill me. “Did you fear me?” I asked and he couldn’t look at me, those bastards, I’d never been that bad before.
"I wouldn't be surprised y'know... as much as I tell myself otherwise, I am a monster. I harbour a beast worse than your wolf."
"I know what you are; I know what I'm getting into here." I didn’t address the fact that I’d called myself a monster and he did not deny it. He in fact said he knew what I was and accepted it. Maybe I should to, maybe the fact I denied myself was what made me weak.
"What you're getting into? Lazarus... I'd never been that bad before. I've never felt so wretched. Even I don't know what I'm fully capable of. I've never let myself get that bad." It’s all about blood, we can be controlled by blood and we are slaves to it.
"We can sit around and pretend like it doesn't matter but we both know you're dangerous. I'd be stupid not to realise it"
"And I'm even more so here."
"Because of the pack, I feel like I'm in danger. After what they've just done... and the fact they'll be watching and constantly be interfering... I can't live with so many wolves."
"They agreed to leave us alone."
"And you think they won't be watching us?"
"They said something about looking out for me, but once they realise they don't need to, we'll be fine."
"I don't know; I don't like it here." He frowned, "Lazarus... what happened in there... you think I can stay?"
"A pack of bigoted wolves is enough to make you want to move? You can't help what they did to you." No, when he put it that way I couldn’t let them make me have to give up everything I like here.
"No, but right now I want to kill Kito and all the wolves in there."
"Please don't,” he had a vaguely worried look on his face and I wondered if he even cared about what I did and what happened... he’d gotten weaker and lost himself. I hope he doesn’t change anymore.
"You think I could without being torn to pieces?" I glared at him, "No, I'm gonna make this my territory and make them move."
"Melissa... Two of the wolves in that pack are my children." He looked at the floor, I don’t believe he actually believed that bullshit!
"And from what I heard they're mine too."
"Which is impossible. They must've meant someone else."
"He specifically said me, that I used to be a werewolf, can you see how that is even vaguely... you believe them, don't you?"
"I don't believe that you're their mother, but it's possible that I'm their father."
"Then I suppose I should tell you now: I don't do mothering; I never have and never will want kids in any form."
"That's fine. I wouldn't expect you to."
"You're changing, Lazarus. These wolves are getting inside your head."
He glanced up at me, wow, so you can bring yourself to look at me after all. But he looked down as soon as he looked up. "Am I supposed to just pretend they don't exist? I chose you over them but that doesn't mean I can't have them in my life." Well, it does. From what Kito said they’re mine too and if they believe that they’ll be hassle for me. I doubt Kito would let them hang around with me anyway.
"Did you? Lazarus you can't look at me. When they had me tied down with blood running down my face being tortured and torn to pieces inside I looked to you and you didn't even attempt to help."
He growled, "I was having a little bit of trouble processing the fact that I have kids I don't even remember. I still am. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I would have thought the drinking and the fact I'm a wolf might've tipped you off on that one."
"Yeah, well, I'm afraid I'm still going ahead with it. I'm going to make this my district and I don't want those fucking wolves, your 'children' included anywhere near me." He looked away, "And right now, you know what? If you can't look at me, you can fuck off too."
He looked up at me properly and murmured, "If that's what you want."
"I don't need wolves thinking I'm the scum of the Earth. I didn't pick this is as much as you picked becoming a wolf. How can I be in your company when you won't look at me. You're disgusted by me."
"I'm not disgusted by you; I just don't want you to make me pick a side"
"Well they already have, right? Kito will not let any of his pack near me, those 'kids' don't want to be near me s0 you can't have both. It won't work out so well."
"I really want to be with you, Melissa, but they're my only living relatives. I thought my whole family was dead until today. Forgive me if I waver a little."
I sighed, "They’re right, you need to be with them. It's not natural for us to be together. They're wolves, they're your family, you can take day trips to zoos and I guess it'll be kinder to end this now before we become anything more. I want to end this courting."
*headshake* "No. No, no, no, you can't do this to me. I drank so much I forgot they existed, but you were the reason I tried to stop, the reason I'm cutting down. You can't. You can't just abandon me. Not like this."
"You think you could drink away your twin children? If you remember your whole family from so long ago why do you forget them? The wolves have gotten to you and I don't want any wolves like that near me." I heard the hearts of the town beating in my ear and I silenced them. I was starving, but my beast was done after the last outburst, I was safe for now.
"I'm sorry. Please, Melissa."
"I can't. If you will look down on me like a monster, I cannot show you mercy and forgiveness."
He began to shout, his voice rose, "I haven't said anything about you being a monster. Haven't I already told you enough times that I don't give a shit about that?"
"Then why didn't you help me? I said I loved you, I was begging for you and you didn't move a muscle. You won't look at me now, and for what?" I growled, I was hungry and the anger just made me boil over. How dare he shout at me?
"I'm no more capable of taking on a whole pack of wolves than you are, Melissa. I'm sorry, I fucked up."
"They didn't restrain you," I talked through my fangs, I was seething, "they didn't pull you back because you showed no resistance. How can I trust you?" I closed my eyes as I listened to his heart, the song quickly picking up tempo. I opened my eyes with a sigh, turning away from him, "Run, Lazarus, go..."
"I want to stay, I’m yours, remember? How am I supposed to make it up to you?"
"Just leave me, for now, just go. I'm still worked up... I need time to get over this."
"I'll be at my place then."
"Good night, Angel," I laughed slightly to myself; I still hadn't forgotten the bible, or the story of the resurrection of Lazarus. "Indeed, my angel."
He turned and walked toward his house, I could hear Bane ever so quietly whisper and it caused my voice to drop too as I walked back to mine, "be gentle with him; he's falling for you pretty hard."
"I'm not myself right now; I'm fighting my darkness as much as I can. I still love you... both," as much as that wolf is stubborn, yes, I love him too. Though, I love Lazarus more. Bane helped me when I needed it and I know he would be there for me if I needed it again, because I only ever want to pick what’s best for him... even if that’s so hard.
"He loves you too, even if he won't admit it. He wants to help."
"Not yet.” He went quiet as Lazarus entered his house and I went to mine. I needed sleep and blood and to calm myself down. First, sleep, if I could lure my shadow into a slumber I’d be free to claw myself back. I had a few blood packs in the fridge that would quell my thirst when I awoke. When I’m stable I’ll go and find a beating heart to drink from and so long as everyone stays away from me, I’ll be as right as rain... I hope.