Melissa: Pouring My HeartMature

Talk, okay... where to start?

“I first met him as a little girl when I ran away from my sister who’d thrown hot tea on me. I fell over at his feet and he helped me up... so in return I gave him a flower. He was the only one I remembered from my time... after that encounter my father locked me in the house... until the fire and when he turned me into a vampire.” He said nothing, so I continued. “Next, I believe it was at one of his concerts... I watched him play and it was beautiful, I talked to him briefly outside for a little bit, I think I sort of fell in love with him then...or at least with his music.” Once again, no response from either Bane or Lazarus, but I wanted to continue, to provoke some sort of reaction.

“Something pulled me away then. I had to run away from my father and what happened, everyone thought I was dead they couldn’t find out I was there... so I fled. Years, hundreds of years wandering the streets with nothing but the urge to drink... have sex... watch just one more sunrise. After a while, even Lazarus’ music faded from my head and I was empty. I hated myself; I was a miserable, disgusting creature.” I caught his attention and he watched me, though I didn’t move, I just continued hugging my knees. “I went to a few more of his shows, though, hiding in the shadows like the creature I was. I finally came to accept myself about... a hundred years ago, when I started to practice violin more and I ... I even took to watching the streets, making sure that women weren’t being mistreated. It was stupid, I know, but it kept me busy in the lonely nights.” I rested my head on my knees, “eventually I wound up here, I had forgotten who you were, you were a part of me that was dead... the noble: Melissa Rose.” He rested his head on his paws and I smiled, I never thought the story of my life would keep him so... silent.

“But, I fell in love with him... you, instantly; I thought you were just someone at the bar so I hid my feelings. You can’t just see someone and say ‘I love you’ and not expect them to freak out. I tried everything to hide my nature I’d come to accept from you. I didn’t want you to see me as a blood sucking monster. You, I love you. I don’t want to fight with you; I don’t want to see you like this... you’re so handsome, perfect... your music... I can’t even explain by words. I just want you happy.”

I tugged my knees closer, tighter to my chest: "That's why I gave my life to Bane in order for his help to get you back. I would face any fate to see you back to how you were...please, Lazarus." I didn’t know if I was getting through to him, though I trusted Bane. I trusted he was telling the truth, that Lazarus could hear me.

"He says that happy seems like a strange thing to him. Especially with a vampire." I nodded, well, I tried... wait, that’s not all... I excused myself for a moment, disappearing downstairs to get my violin.

I didn’t lie about anything when my violin was stolen, no, I did have another. But I owned a violin that will never be played again, apart from if ever I truly feel the need to. She was beautiful, christened by the name ‘Lady Rose,’ a present for my tenth birthday, a Stradivari. I was in awe ever since she was presented to me, I rarely played unless in public upon her. But once again, as I stared at her fragile body and imagined her worth to me, and to the rest of the world, I was glad that she had not been stolen. I found it strange, that she was here in this house after I had left her so long ago... no, that’s not right, I did not ‘leave’ her I actually left her to perish in the fire. She had a rose in darker wood layered into her back and the ribbon still wrapped around her bow. I was so, so glad she was back though, how could I forget about her?

I walked back upstairs again, holding my precious... more precious than gold violin. I breathed, placing the bow on the strings carefully, after making my harsh breathing subsided I got over the fear of scratching her and relied on my skill. I played Fur Elise, images of when we met in his house flashing between me and Lazarus. I wasn’t sure who was thinking them though, me or him. After the piece had finished I lowered my violin, placing it on the couch. It wasn’t working... nothing was working. I looked at him and sighed “I’ll go get you some clothes for when you change back,” I turned to walk away but images washed over me, thousands of tiny pictures and some sounds like videos playing in my head. They weren’t mine, no, these weren’t mine. I held my head, “Lazarus...Lazarus... Bane,” I whined, my head thumping like a war drum.

I turned back to look at him to see him looking back up at me. It hurt... all these images, of us... let alone all those images that must’ve haunted Lazarus. I understood now, understood why he shut himself down. “What’s wrong?” Bane muttered and I laughed slightly.

“Too many images... too soon. I know how he feels now.” I heard Bane tell Lazarus off, but, it wasn’t his fault. He shouldn’t be punished... I didn’t know our bond was so strong I’d share everything with him. "No, no, don't. I'm glad... I'm glad he remembers me. I guess I'm turned over to you now." He looked at me, a little confused, "I asked for your help and you did."

He sort of shrugged, repeating his point earlier that my betrayal would lead to my death. I nodded in acceptance: “I guess it’s up to Lazarus now to see if he wants me.”

I stared at Bane, this felt silly, dictating all my feelings to a wolf. This was ridiculous, just fucking ridiculous. I needed to talk to Lazarus, not this creature... what am I doing? All my intimate feelings, all this, all this love... no, I have to get over it... I hate this wolf. I want him out of my house. I looked at him, no, I simply wanted Bane gone. I didn’t necessarily want Lazarus gone... I guess I just wanted Lazarus’ answer... now.

I didn’t say anything to him, I just watched him, waiting for him to regain his strength and change back. He seemed weak; his blood not fully recovered his form trembling from all the changes. I was a heartless creature only interested in sex and blood, but at that moment I dove to his side, putting my hands on his shoulders to ensure he was okay. He whined, complaining of his headache and I went to get him a bottle of whiskey that had a very old date on it. I handed it to him and he did his best to drink it slowly. “Drink it as you like, I shall not judge you anymore.”

“I told you, I’m trying to stop drinking...” A few bad memories flashed forward and I winced, he took another sip of his drink and told me he didn’t know if anything could be done to take his mind off it. "Wait, you haven't pushed me away... you remember me! Wait... how do you feel about me?"

"Sure I remember you, I just went a little nuts 'cause of all the crap in my head, y'know?" He sighed, "And I don't know. I still like you, if that's anything to you."

I breathed a sigh of relief, "I didn't want you calling me a leech or anything is all."

“That’s Bane’s opinion of you, not mine,” his stare buried straight into mine, locking our eyes. I gulped slightly, God he was hot... I hope he never remembers he is naked.

"Good," I smiled and he smiled warmly back.

"Hey, you got anything to eat that isn't dead cow?"

"You're still hungry? Umm..." Well... "dead chicken? Lamb? Pasta? I can get anything in two seconds.... bacon?" He opted for a bacon sandwich, offering to cook if I had the stuff in. I told him not to speak nonsense and I nipped out to bring home the stuff, as well as some jeans for him. I stuck the bacon in the pan and swiftly buttered the bread before turning to him, reluctantly handing him his pants with a frown.

He slid them on and moved to the kitchen where he buttered enough bread for another 9 sandwiches...stupid me thinking he wanted one. I moved to the couch after cleaning away the cow bones, watching him put on more bacon as he ate the ten sandwiches he had already made. “Good job I don’t need to eat to,” I smiled and he nodded, ploughing through the huge pack of pack of bacon I brought home. He lent back against the sofa after a little while and smiled at me... guess he was done, “full?” I smiled back.

"Mhmm" he chuckled, "I can't say I'm used to having that much blood drained." He laughed, but I didn’t find it funny. It was a very last resort.

"I am sorry," I murmured.

“I know, I heard,” I turned silent, “not like you had much of a choice.”

“I don’t know... I don’t like it,” I sighed, I didn’t like the idea no matter whether I had another choice or not, I hated drinking from him and I hated everything I had done. He kissed my cheek and I whimpered, “I didn’t want to pour my heart out either.” He pulled me into a hug and I whined too, "You're a stupid, stupid man too... why did you do all that for me?"

He picked up his bottle of whiskey, "Took this long for someone to point it out to me that I... have a problem. Least I can do is try to stop, right?"

"Not on your own, and not like that..." He shrugged and I squeezed him as tightly as I could, “I need you here. I can't have you forgetting me." He cuddled me back, pulling me into his warm embrace. Damn it. I sighed, this was going to make me weak.

The End

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