Melissa: How I Wish I Never Said "I Love You."Mature

That day, I just spent most of my time asleep, trying to get my strength up again. Vampires, we’re actually quite weak compared to the other Supernaturals, we’re just like dead humans. Some of the male vampires are quite strong, but we females are usually just there for speed and agility, in fact from those I’ve met I’m one of the fastest. Good to know the one thing you’re good for is running away.

I picked up on Lazarus playing the violin; I could also smell the alcohol... I actually think he has a problem. But it didn’t impede his playing; after he got over the initial rustiness he was quite good. I still miss my violin, my beautiful, inscribed, perfect violin... bastard that fucking stole it. After a while I slipped into a deeper sleep where my body was then recuperating. Usually sleep was to protect from the sun and to give us time to rest up so we don’t exhaust ourselves.

I woke up and the night had drawn in, Lazarus was no longer sat playing the violin and instead I found him sat on my couch... butt naked. “That’s so unfair,” I whined, “you can’t just sit around naked like that.” I mean... – whine –

He apologised, drawing a cushion over his lap; I was tempted to sit on the cushion, but realised he was only naked because of his change and... Just awkward. "I just can't afford to buy new clothes every time I turn, so I take them off and keep them safe,” he smiled and I nodded.

“Yeah, I understand but it’s just... unfair.”

He chuckled as I laughed, "I'd say the same if it was you wandering around naked too."

"Shame I never have a reason to then, hmm?" I winked, causing him to chuckle again. I looked at him and tried to keep my naughty thoughts at bay, “well, I think I’ll be off for a shower while you change. I need to get rid of this dry blood and I can’t sit through that again.” He nodded and I disappeared upstairs. I loved showers; I loved how when I got out and dried my hair it sprung back into perfect curls.

When I appeared downstairs I assumed he had already changed... I was wearing only a towel but I wanted to make sure he was okay. I found him outside, after letting himself out, digging up my garden. I sighed, “Would you pack that in!” He looked up at me and I looked at him, disappointed, “stop it,” I felt like I was grounding a dog. He whined at me and I sighed, “Please?” He rolled around in the mud and stained his perfectly white coat. I just stared at him and pulled the towel tighter, “what am I going to do with you!?” He just lied there in the mud, grinning at me. I sighed and tutted... “Bane...” his ears twitched and I watched him.

He was filthy, truly filthy and I was stood, in a white towel, out of the shower... I was clean. I had just gotten his attention... Oh dear. He watched me, rubbing his face in the dirt a little... I can only imagine what Lazarus is gonna look like when he changes back. I watched him, taking a small shuffle back. Then I heard something, something including the word ‘leech.’ I whined: “I am not a leech; I’m nothing like the others.”

His eyes snapped to me and I realised that it was Bane that had just said that... Bane, the filthy dog in front of me. He was wondering how I could hear him... “Like I know.”

“How did you get in my head, leech?”  Leech... I hate that word, that disgusting word... I resemble nothing of a leech.

"I don't know and stop calling me that!"

"No one has ever been able to hear my thoughts, why are they not safe from you?"

"I don't know, I didn't ask for this... but now I can ask... why are you rolling in mud?"

He grunted, “It’s fun,” oh really? I couldn’t imagine that. Listening to Mozart, playing the violin, sex... they’re fun... nowhere near the same level as rolling in mud.

“Why would you care?” Oh great, I get the gift to hear Bane speak and he’s an arrogant pup... pup! I bet that’d grind his gears a little. Next time he calls me leech...

“My house, My Lazarus.” I was a little iffy using ‘my’ but I guess it was true, kind of.

“Lazarus has no self-respect.”

“Nor do you. You're a magnificent creature, pure white fur and beauty beyond compare and you're rolling in MUD."

He tilted his head, “"Why does that mean I have no self respect?"

"You're acting like a dumb, domesticated pup."

"They descended from wolves, y'know. It's something we all do."

"Of course... I don't believe I get to hear you speak and I was sorry for you. You're an arrogant mutt!"

He growled, "You stole my blood."

"I did not steal. I did not want to do it," I snarled, he was making my blood boil and I just wanted to teach him a lesson... but whatever I do to him, translates to Lazarus.

“Lazarus had no right to do it.”

“You have no right to talk to me like this.”

"I shouldn't be able to talk to you at all," yeah, I’m so gifted... I actually figured Bane was noble, the embodiment of Lazarus’ heart, I expected to love him as I did Lazarus... this is what he thought of me?  I was a blood-stealing leech? How could I have been so stupid?

"Well maybe there's some sort of... link between us? I mean, I drank your blood."

He huffed, “I don’t like it.”

“You’re telling me, I actually thought you were upset... hurting or something, pfft,” I almost snorted, but that’s not very ladylike. Mind you, this wolf seemed to have no manners at all anyway. Insolent thing.

He curled up in the filth he had dug up, "I hope you don't think you'll be able to take advantage of Lazarus, leech. He may have a soft spot for you, but I won't trust your kind."

"Take advantage of him? How dare you... how dare... if you weren't connected to Lazarus I swear... you stupid mongrel!" I walked away from him, seething. If this was part of Lazarus... I wasn’t ultimately sure I could do this... twice a month. Twenty-four times a year, more if he accidently shifts. I dressed and waited till morning, thinking about this the whole time. Was it worth it? Could I do it?

I followed the marks he left around my garden and the woods, finding Lazarus hugging a tree, “I brought your clothes,” I murmured sullenly. He sort of woke up and I figured he’d been dreaming again... I had to help him... I wanted to be there to help him through everything that had happened to him, to make him happy... but something didn’t want me to do that. Something was stopping me from ever getting close to him. I didn’t want to have to kick him out each time the full moon came round, I wanted him here always.

I dropped his clothes on the floor as he let go of the tree, rolling onto his back and looking up at me, “Where am I?” His voice was sleepy and I sighed.

“The forest.”

“How’d I get here?” Did he not hear everything that happened? Did he not remember? Or did Bane stop him from seeing it, was Lazarus asleep in the back of his head?


“Why did he run off?” He’s your other half, for God’s sake, can’t you connect to him? Do something so you don’t have to be here asking me?

I shrugged, “I ran off first, Lazarus, I'm not in the mood to explain this, ask him.” I began to walk away, out of the sun and away from his questions. I didn’t want to have to explain that I’d annoyed Bane, or that something happened... I wasn’t up to it. He picked up his clothes, running after me.

“Woah, woah, what did he do?”

“He’s an ignorant mutt, Lazarus!” I breathed, trying not to get angry again, “I... I don’t know if I can do his if he’s your other half.” There, I said it, now Lazarus can go and mope and drink and change and be alone and I can go mope, drink and sleep and be alone.

He pulled on his jeans, almost falling as he kept up with me, "Look, whatever he said, I'm sorry, but it's gonna take him a while. When I asked you for your patience, I meant for it to extend to him as well."

"He called me a leech! That I stole your blood! I told you it was a bad idea! I told you!"

"I'm sorry, I was expecting him to be pissed off at me, not you."

"He's waiting for me to use you and throw you away. I don't want to hear him speak badly about me each time you change. I hate what I am, I hate having to live off the lives of others, I can't deal with 'Bane' making my life hell too." We reached my house and I turned sharply to face him.

"I'll have a word with him later," he stopped dead, finally realising what we figured straight away, "wait, how were you guys even talking?"

"I don't know," I sighed, exasperated. I placed a hand to my head and tried to calm down, "I think it might've been me drinking your blood, it's the only thing I can come up with." Why do they ask me like I know? I’m not Wonder Woman.

"It's never happened with me before... And I've had plenty of vampires bite me." Oh, yippee...

"Then maybe it's fate? I'm meant to be tormented by him.”

He stared at me with his eyebrows dropped, “he won’t do it again.” I didn’t necessarily trust his word, though I did think he had some power over Bane. I sighed, wrapping my arms around him.

He hugged me back, “I’m sorry he was a bitch.”

“You’re filthy,” I didn’t want to talk about Bane anymore.

He looked down at himself, “I’ll shower.”

I shook my head, “Not yet,” I held him tighter and to my relief he didn’t let go. “You don’t think I’m a blood-stealing leech, do you?” I murmured, yes, I just wanted someone to say it. He shook his head and I smiled, closing my eyes against his beating heart, “I love you,” I whispered as quiet as I could muster. He froze a little and I winced, “Fuck,” inside however it was more like fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, etc. It was my inexperience, my father kept me locked up and any attention from the opposite sex where they treat me well I would fall in love. Stupid, stupid, fucking...

"You, um... You fall fast," I didn’t let go of him, I’d frozen too. This was all a little soon, I know that, but I’m so messed up:

"It's... difficult to explain. My father kept me locked in the house... that was the fire, I hated it so much... turns out he was a vampire, turns out he wanted to freeze me forever like this, perfectly innocent in every way. You're the first man that’s actually treating me well... I don't really know what love is, I have nothing to compare it to." I was suddenly very aware of myself. Very aware of everything I’d said. Aware of everything that was trickling from my mouth. The expletives in my head got so much louder then. I would’ve run away had I not been stuck like glue to him.

“I’m sorry to hear that...” He kissed my head, "I wish I could say it back and mean it,” he frowned and it almost broke my heart, “but I've not had much luck with love. I've said it and been hurt far too often."

I tried to hide my head from him, "I'm so stupid..." I whined.

He sighed, “No.”

"No, I am, I never meant to tell you... I know it's quick, that much I gathered." He went to kiss my forehead but I pulled away, “maybe... you should just go home,” I whispered softly.

“Do you want me to?”

“No,”  I shook my head, that was the truth... I never liked to lie, especially not to people I care about. “But Bane... this... I can’t take it.”

He sighed, “I really like you Melissa.”

 "Don't worry about that," I smiled, "I have no doubt whatever you choose you'll follow your heart... that choice I will accept," but I just need to adapt, learn to love you and Bane, or at the least I just needed to gain his trust and that would be hard. I promised Lazarus my never-ending patience, he was right, that extended to Bane too. That would be hard though.

"And Bane will trust you eventually. I just need you to understand that he's been through a lot. Vampires have hurt him before"

"Yeah," I nodded, "Yes, I realise all of that, I can hear his heart song too..." I looked into his eyes, "Just, I don't know how to cope. I haven't felt this way, so I love you and I hate Bane and I'm angry at him, but at myself for telling you how I felt and I am happy you know but I'm sad it's taken all these years..." I rubbed my forehead. Ow, brain... is melting.... He rubbed a hand up and down my back and I collapsed onto him, “My brain aches.” He guided me inside and I was glad. Had I stayed in the sun who knows what I would’ve done.

I trailed, my feet dragging like one of the undead, heh, funny. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his face worried.

I collapsed onto my sofa, “Nothing,” he stood staring at me and I just curled up, I dreamt of the sun, blooming flowers and perfect meadows.

He crouched in front of me, “Is there anything I can do?”

“Lead me into the warmth of the sun without me burning?” I whined.

He frowned, “how can I do that?”

“You can’t!” I cried, tears appearing once again down my cheeks. I’d never cried so much until I was with him... actually, these were Bane’s fault. I pushed my head into the couch with a whimper.

“Shh...” he soothed, playing with my hair, every now and then his hand would grace against my cheek and I would feel the warmth coursing through him. The next time it happened I took his hand, keeping it against my cheek. He made no attempt to pull it back and I sighed... I had Lazarus for another few weeks. I guess I should be grateful I hadn’t chased him away... yet.

The End

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