Melissa: Oh How I Wish I Could Say "I Love You."Mature

We spent the whole day chatting, mindless really but I think it brought us closer together. I bet you’re wondering how we can spend a whole day talking; well it’s simple, you would only have say a week to talk about, we have years hundreds of years. The night drew in and still we were laughing, we had moved upstairs and some point during the day ordered a take-out for Lazarus, the fire was roaring everything seemed so much cosier. But then, we stopped, Lazarus began twitching just like he had before and everything seemed to go cold: “Umm... Lazarus?” I asked, eyeing him cautiously.

“Mm?”

“Nothing,” I breathed a sigh of relief at the normality of his response. “You just started twitching again... I thought something might be up.”

“Oh, just the time of the month,” he laughed, but it still made me awkward even though I knew he was on about the change.

“Ah... what should I do?” I murmured. This was new to me. I’d seen the films of werewolves changing, but I couldn’t exactly say how accurate they were.

“Up to you,” he shrugged, “but if you want me to stay,” which I did, “you might want to let me out for a bit.” I nodded and rose, unlocking the back door that led out to the forest that surrounded the town.

“You won’t tear me apart will you? I’ve never been around a werewolf as they’ve changed before. As he shook his head I couldn’t help but wonder if he was gonna turn into a full wolf or a human-wolf hybrid type creature. The moon was full and from my love of Lazarus I shuddered at the huge orb looking down on me... this wasn’t going to be pleasant. I watched him cautiously as he began to twitch more then he shocked me: he began to undress and not just to his boxers.

I turned back to the window as I felt my cheeks light up, “Excuse me,” he murmured.

I knew it wouldn’t be pleasant, he screamed and writhed about, his limbs snapping and cracking as fur penetrated his skin. The result was one quite large, pure, snow white wolf. I didn’t know what to do. The wolf seemed weak so, I felt it my job to see if he was okay. He was a little shaky on his feet, but as he opened his great blue eyes I could tell he was fine. I remembered something that I had learnt about wolves from my father and tried not to make eye-contact. I kept my head down as he sniffed me, moving away.

“It’s okay... I’m a friend,” I murmured, trying not to be loud.

He pushed his two front paws onto me, throwing me onto my back. I didn’t resist and when he was suited I was submissive to him he ran outside, sniffing and digging and being as a general dog is... including scenting everything. I wanted to go out and stroke him, but I had to appreciate he isn’t a domesticated dog, he’s a wild wolf with a human mind...

Howls littered the air, strange; I didn’t think there were any other werewolves around. Lazarus’ ears flattened and I stepped out, looking around for the others. He howled too, it sounded mournful, lonely... I hoped to God he wasn’t attracting the others, I didn’t want to be mauled to death by the first person I had fallen truly in love with (not that I’d be telling him that straight away), I also figured that I had to impress his wolf and not just him. Oh dear... I didn’t like where this was going.

I let out a breath of relief when I realised that no one answered, I watched him a little more as he explored, “Do you trust me, Wolf?” I reached out a hand for him, as if by him putting his paw in it, or sniffing it he would trust me. He was more human than I thought, though, he tilted his head and looked puzzled. “It’s not just Lazarus I have to convince, hmm? You come together.”

He nodded and I repeated my question, trust was the first step to anything major. Lust may get someone’s attention but trust will be the foundation for love. He shook his head and my heart sunk in my chest, if I cried as much when I was human I would’ve cried then, instead I just sat down on the cold floor, watching him intently. How do you earn a wolf’s trust?

He ignored how I felt, though I didn’t expect anything more; a squirrel darted through the garden and he chased it gleefully, staying away from the deeper forest ( I figured because of the other wolves,) but he always seemed to turn back to watch me... I don’t know what he expected me to do. “I want Lazarus back,” I whispered quietly, pulling my knees up to my chest. His ears pricked up and he looked over at me. Oh go away, mutt. I don’t know how I can get his trust; I don’t know why it mattered... sure, more than once a month he would appear, but, he’s never gonna trust me. He’s a wild, feral animal that doesn’t care less about me. I hid my head in my knees and whined.

His paws thudded closer and eventually I could feel his breath on my arms. “What?” I moaned. He gave me the same questioning face as I looked up and I sighed: “You don’t care about me, I don’t care what you do... shoo.” He didn’t budge and I sighed, how did I ever think I could be friends with him like I did with Lazarus? I glared at him and he backed away, his ears flattened as a whine escaped his muzzle. He was scared of me; the wolf that could tear me apart was scared of me. I looked into his eyes and sighed, holding out my arms for him and beckoning him closer, “Okay, I’m sorry, I won’t hurt you.”

He was hesitant, but moved forward and I reached out a hand to touch him. His muscles tensed and as I ran my hand through his fur I felt the strength in them, yet, there was such tenderness in his eyes and his fur was so gentle and soft. “How could I have been so stupid as to think I could befriend you like I did Lazarus? I think you might even hurt more...” I muttered, this was the raw Lazarus, the Lazarus exposed. This wolf did not drown his pain in alcohol, or sex with random people, no... This wolf dealt with it on his own. He relaxed at my words, but I figured he also did not have the power to overlook my ‘condition’ as Lazarus could.

I laughed to myself, “You’re just as beautiful though,” I retracted my hand and placed it on my lap, “go on, I won’t bother you anymore tonight.” He walked off into a corner of the garden and raked all the grass around him into a sort of nest that he curled up upon. I smiled, watching him for a little while before turning my attention to the stars. Soon enough, he fell asleep there. I didn’t want to leave him, but, as the sun came up I moved to inside the house, still next to the doorway as I fell asleep.

My eyes flickered open slowly in the morning and I noticed I was being carried by Lazarus. The next thing I noticed was an intense searing pain in my arm and I couldn’t help the cries that escaped my mouth. I looked to my arm and it was burnt and blistered where the sun must’ve caught it. I never did tan well, but I was used to the pain... let’s say I it’s not the first time I’ve been caught in the sun. He carried me to my bed where he placed me down. My arm would heal enough to stop the bleeding and pain, but I would need to drink to get the rest of the damage healed (the blisters, scarring etc.) Healing costs and if I wanted to I could stop myself from healing... this wasn’t one of those times though.

I looked up at him and blushed, trying to keep my eyes on his face and not anywhere else, “thank you.” I only fell asleep there because I didn’t want him to wake up and think I had ditched him... not that I was blaming him for what happened.

“Do you want some ice for that?”

“No, It’ll partly heal on its own, the rest will heal once I drink something,” I smiled and my eyes wandered slightly forcing me to close them. But let me tell you this, his muscles... just as big everywhere. I didn’t want to stare before we both made the choice to... get closer.

He disappeared to get dressed and when he came back my arm had healed somewhat and I had moved to sit on the edge of my bed. I was hungry, but the sunlight would stop me from feeding till night-time. Lazarus came back and sat next to me, his shirt sleeve rolled up... I saw the vein pulsating in his arm as he offered it to me. “No, Lazarus,” I turned away as my stomach betrayed me with a loud growl.

“Why not?”

“Not you.” His heart-song would die down... I didn’t want to look at his veins and instantly think food... Everyone’s blood tastes differently and I didn’t want t risk getting hooked on him.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I know, I just don’t want to feed on you... it’s not right,” you’re my... boyfriend (Hmm...) I don’t want to turn you into a simple piece of food.

He sighed, “well, you have to have something,” yeah, and if I didn’t drink now I didn’t know if I’d be able to feed later, my arm had been burning for at least a few hours and it took a lot out of me, coupled with the fact I didn’t drink the night before...

I hesitated before taking his arm in my hands, sinking my fangs in slowly. He made his hand into a fist, keeping the blood in his arm and increasing the flow. My arm began to heal and the hunger subsided, but I couldn’t keep the thoughts from my head. He tasted good, really good, like the finest Belgian chocolate... tears spilled down my cheeks, I didn’t want him to become another taste, I didn’t want him to become just a walking blood bank to me.

I pulled away as soon as I felt full, usually I would listen to a person’s heart before pulling away, but not Lazarus, I didn’t want to take too much. I wiped my mouth and then my tears, unable to return Lazarus’ smile as he healed pretty much instantly. His lips closed onto mine and I kissed him back weakly, he ran his fingers through my hair and I sighed, pulling away. “Thank you, again.” I looked at him, “You’ll have to stop saving me or I’ll be forced to call you ‘my knight’.” He chuckled and I smiled.

My thoughts flickered back to that lovely wolf, “Is that it for this month then?”

“Full moon’s last two days,” he explained and I tried not to whine.

I nodded, “I don’t quite think he’s going to warm up to me...” especially now I’ve taken your blood.  

“It’s just because you’re a vampire,” he shrugged, “I don’t care but he hasn’t had the best experiences,” I’d never heard him be so cold... toward something that was part of himself too.

“I dunno, I think I should at least get him to trust me...” I hoped in time I could learn to love him too, but, first I think I would break the news to Lazarus... I mean, I’ve seen guys freak out about being told they’re loved, without me saying it to his wolf first.

“You can try. His name’s Bane by the way...” Wait, his name? I knew he was a wolf version of Lazarus but I figured it was still Lazarus...

“So... not Lazarus?” I must’ve seemed slow, but yes, it did confuse me.

He shook his head, “we’re two different beings completely,” I nodded, sort of getting it but not understanding how two being could share one body like that... then again, even I wasn’t meant to exist.

“So... it wouldn’t be cheating on you if I fell in love with him?” I smiled, it was meant as a joke but I also wondered, essentially he was Lazarus’ heart... what if I did eventually fall in love with him?

He chuckled, “I doubt it. We share a body and mind, but we’re different beings... I’m not sure how to describe it properly.”

I nodded, “it’s okay, I don’t think any of us can explain ourselves properly,” I smiled and wrapped my arms tightly around him, “I just hate to see you go through it,” I murmured as he hugged me back. I don’t think I will ever get used to seeing him in such pain... oh my dear wolf, my lonely, hurting wolf.

The End

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