So there I was, with Melissa in my arms. The one that had left me. The one that had brought me to my knees all over again. But she was back. And I was finding it very hard not to start forgiving her. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to set myself up for another fall. I liked sleeping around; a night of fleeting love and passion, with no feelings. It was so much easier. There were no fights, no expectations, no commitment.
"I love you too. Somehow,” I grumbled, surprising both of us. I guess the truth always ends up coming out in the end.
"I'm just as shocked as you... I never thought you'd be able to forgive me."
"I don't want to, y'know."
"Not at all?" she asked. I shook my head.
"I'll only be setting myself up for another fall if I do," I voiced my fears for once, staring at the floor. I had my head resting on hers, so I didn’t have to watch her face.
"I won't, I'd never. Not again." I didn’t say anything, playing with her hair as she hugged me as tightly as she could. She pressed her lips to my chest lightly, "I don't want to hurt you...not you, not ever."
"I missed you,” I murmured, thinking of all the times over the years she’d been gone that I’d drunk myself to sleep, or sat out on the rooftop, waiting for her. All those empty nights, and always, always the emptiness of the bed. There had been a huge hole in my life that no one in my pack, nor my children could fill, no matter how much I loved them all. My life still went to shit all over again. The drinking had been secretive nights out in bars alone to start with, before there was a stash of bottles under my bed. No one had wanted anything to do with me when I stopped caring about who knew. The pack had more or less kicked me out for their own safety, and insisted my kids stayed with them.
"And I you...I missed everything."
"I wish we could go back and start over." I couldn’t help it. My tone was wistful. I fucking prayed there was a way we could just erase all that happened.
"Couldn't we? I mean... All the strange things that have happened would it be stupid to want to turn back time?" she gave a short laugh.
"If only we could."
All of a sudden my stomach reminded me why I’d woken up at all with a growl loud enough that the neighbours probably could’ve heard. "I need to eat.” I let go of her.
"I need to sleep," she laughed. "I forget we're opposites there."
"Sleep then," I said simply, wondering if she would sleep here or at her own house.
"I'll miss you..."
"I'll be here when you wake up." She reached up to kiss me. I forgot how short she was. I pushed her down onto my bed, not wanting to bother with this so early on. I had a hangover and I wanted to eat. "I'll be back up in a bit." She nodded, looking around a little before curling up on the covers to sleep.
I padded downstairs into the kitchen, grabbing myself a bowl of cereal and a bottle of whiskey to wash it down. Yeah, she was here, but that wasn’t going to stop the drinking, was it?