And when you're high, how things can seem so low!
All I wanted out of on this site, and life in general, was acknowledgement. That my writing is entertaining and, well, good, and that my life matters on the text on screen. As you may have noticed, the first day on Protagonize was a hectic and productive time for me, in terms of writing short, separate pieces that I wanted to write. I guess the first sentence is a lie now. I always write to please myself, and the acknowledgement is secondary. Plus, acknowledgement is symmetrical, so I tried to read other people's, no, other writers' works. But the thing about it is, my work feels so much more interesting to me, unless, obviously, I read a work, or several works, that just blows me away. Most of these works are short poems that put into words what I'm feeling, or better, works that I could never have dreamed up on type.
Because it's fun to collaborate, but it sucks to be boo'ed, or even worse, ignored. I apologize for expecting people to respond to my writing without me responding to theirs. In a writing shop I visited during my college years, a mentor told me that writing is communication among different writers, and that writing for oneself is not writing at all, but vanity, and lunacy. That's not what the mentor said word for word about solo works, but the tone was there. That's why I tried to collaborate on Protagonize, and boy, it was nerve-wrecking to, it feels like to me, an intrusion. Yet, at the same time, I felt reassured by the collaborator's welcome, and I feel I met their expectation, albeit too short.
I have short bursts of energy and a long period of self-mutilation of self-esteem. Too be honest, I am too sensitive to public perception. And this fear of rejection, or being ignored, or possibly even shunned, is a constant despair of mine. So, my own evaluation of the public perception of myself as, forgive me for using this title, hack, and of course, the inertia of inactivity and procrastination that haunts me to this day, stopped me to write and read for now days. And Protagonize demands constant viligence. Protagonists have no time for lengthy rests or lethargy. The word game is ever-ongoing and ever-lasting. As long as text exists, our lives are that much more recorded, extended, and exaulted.
I feel better after writing this journal entry. I write for myself and my public perception of myself. And you, fellow protangonists, write for whatever reason, but I implore you to write first and foremost for yourselves. The only view that really matters for your works is the view that you view, although I believe those don' t count here, lol. Thanks for viewing, but get back to your story, and I'll be sure to visit after mine needs a break. Thank you.