I'll never be part of their society again but there is always someone I go back to.
My first ever crush. First ever rejection. First ever reason for a long term break-down.
Damn, year 8 was a shite year cause of him.
But I still go back to him. He needs me. He's got some friends but he has no one to turn to and talk to when life gets shite. He has problems at home and I'm the only one he's told about it.
But he ran from me.
I thought we'd never truly be friends again. Hell, I didn't even think we'd been friends to begin with. This is "time is a great healer" in action. I told him over and over that I didn't fancy him anymore. I told him I thought of him as a friend and he never believed me. Until now.
He told me who he has a serious crush on. He said it was because he wanted to buy a cookie that lunch (I gave him 60p for the info... I'm a horrible person). However, I promised him I would never tell anyone who it was. That one simple promise that I give to everyone on this planet changed the way he thought about me.
Back in lower school, he would rather "die than talk to me again". Now he opens up to me. He's having a really hard time at the moment and the assholes in our year aren't helping. He's been bullied and hated in both the schools he's been to and, even though he made my life hell, I want to help him.
I'm not happy that he has a sucky life. But I am happy that he can talk to me about it. He shouldn't have to keep it all bottled up inside and he shouldn't have no trust in people.
It's so weird that the boy who ran is now telling me what happens beneath the jerk he hides behind. It reminds me of what could happen if I let Voscura take me over. I can't describe how... privileged?... I feel to see this sensitive lover side of him. There isn't enough vocabulary to describe how I feel about him now.
Just like Tron, I love him in a different way to how I did before.
Sudden epiphanies come in all shapes and sizes.