"This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away."
I have been this kind of happy before. But not in the same way crazily enough.
Those days, friendships were fleeting, love wasn't about the words and school was just a distraction. Now, friendships are the most important thing to me, love shapes who I am and school is my life.
I had a singing lesson today. The main song I sung was "My Immortal" by Evanescence which didn't suit my mood at all. Instead, I transported myself back to when Stuart got rejected, then he rejected me. I guess, I still feel the same things for him somewhere deep inside but all romantic feelings disappeared when mi amor held me in his arms.
In fact, he was holding me close today. He didn't have to go early and neither did I. We sat where we usually sit, black double chairs, a place near where teachers are walking back and forth. Just like before except even less private!
"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears" ~ When we finally had a couple of seconds of peace, then we would kiss. Those fleeting seconds lasted so long yet such a short time as well. Although we would both pull away at the sound of a door or footsteps on the tiled floor, I would pull away the fastest, I would chat casually to Maddocks and Barber as they walked through while subtly pulling my arm from around him. I'm suppressed by the fear that he will be judged or get into trouble because of me.
"And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave" ~ To be honest, I'm glad he doesn't leave my mind because, if he wasn't there, my mind would be as blank as a whiteboard. But I still don't like having to watch him walk away or having to turn away to rush to the bus station. Sucks but I'll deal with it. :)
Then the rest of the song isn't relevant to me at all. I just can relate to it, that's all. I used to sing this for hours. When the Tron I knew was hiding, I played it to myself to chuck my emotional cr*p into the song, belting the chorus and bridge so hard my voice cracked a couple of times. Sad times are sad. Screw them! I am happier than I've been in a LONG long time!
"Waking up I see that everything is ok" ~ I feel amazing. The feeling of his lips on mine shuts all three of my voices up and leaves my soul bare. It feels so much better to be mentally naked. (Sounds dirty? Well screw you, why are you reading my stuff then?)
...my mum just came in the room! Woah, I hope she didn't read any of this! XD
"I think about the little things that make life great" ~ Love being the predominant feature. All love; romantic, sisterly, brotherly, friendly, just the knowledge there are people looking out for you. Little things: a hug from each of my pack, the fleeting embraces that mi amor and I can afford, a ^_^ from Tron, Tim arguing with Molly (who I've ass kicked and now made up with), saying hi to all my friends in year 9, 8 and 7. Everything about my day makes me smile. Hell, even the fact that my CGP books are actually helping my education :D! So happy!
"This moment is perfect, please don't go away" ~ It is perfect, each time we are alone. Talking, kissing, hugging, gazing; whatever. They are all perfect moments. But, alas, they must go. If they didn't, I may not look forward to them as much. Or maybe I still would... "Our day will come" mi amor.
*sigh* I'm hopelessly in love with him. Hopeless Romantic that I am. I like being a Romantic; I guess I've always been that way.
But won't they give us 10 seconds?