I have some weird metaphors for what happens inside my head.
First Vozcura, now my emotional stabilizers.
Apart from chocolate, they are all people. Not just specific people, but some are. Those people know who they are and if they don't, I'm gonna hug some sense into them.
When Vozcura decides to raise her ugly head, I get down. Even when she's not around, I can become unstable, physically and mentally. I will get the feeling and my legs will start to collapse beneath me, I don't think straight and I say the weirdest things; have the strangest behaviour. I'll stare after mi amor like a lost puppy and grab hold of one of my sisters for support. Then I'll be back to normal.
I did say once that all these people hold a piece of my heart; that applies here. When one of them isn't here (Frenchie's in France, Tim's playin' trombone and Tron's at tesco| those are the main ones) a piece of my heart isn't there. When I'm alone or in class, the pieces of my heart are still around but they aren't THERE. It's like a limb going numb: you can see it's there but you can't feel anything. That's when I become unstable.
Emotional music makes me unstable aswell. The only thing that kept me standing the in those assemblies when I sung "Fix You" in the choir was the knowledge that Geek was beside me, my pack were in the audience and mi amor was... somewhere behind a tall person! (I couldn't see him where I stood but Geek did). They kept me stable. In contrast, we had choir, Geek and I, where we were singing this great new song that really hit home for us. I could feel it coming for me; the numbness. I found it hard to stay upright and I kept whining and saying "nyan" (Tem and Gaz's influence).
When we came out of choir, I couldn't stop shaking. Geek was still there, walking beside me, but I needed more "pieces" to make me stable again. Then, low and behold, I literally fall down the steps and launch myself into the L block as mi amor is just closing the door. Now THAT gave my stability a jolt! Geek was there aswell so together, they brought me back to my own. But, unfortunately, the similarity to a numb limb comes back. Due to the sudden clarity of thought, it was like getting emotional pins and needles so I just, sorta, collapsed against mi amor and held him close, shaking the whole while.
I gathered myself together because Geek and mi amor were going to go upstairs for their "free" and I had Physics. :P blergh. So I said goodbye to them both, whined again, and headed in.
Stuart opened up with, "Molly told everyone about you and the purple sixth former." I basically shouted, "I'm gonna kick her ass." What a b**ch! I wrote a whole rant in code during the double lesson I had while Stuart and Maddie helped me come up with plans to make Molly feel as small as possible (not that she needed help). I don't think I've ever been so socially involved with my year in my life!
Mother of Geezus... Then my grim day got brightened up, as always, by mi gemela and Frenchie :) I just love talking to them both and, no matter what they say, they are my stabilizers. It would have been even better if Tron and Hill had come aswell but I'll get to Tron later.
After my two lovely friends had gone, I started to wonder off in the general direction of the reception to head off home (and get the early bus for once) and I was starting to get unstabilized again. Grrrr. Am I so dependant? Then, low and behold (again!) a wild mi amor appears in front of me. I love the fact that when I need him most, he appears. We sat in the reception for a while until his lift arrived. What did we talk about? I remember talking about the whole situation with Molly. I don't know how he feels about it? Maha, I'll try and ask him later if he comes online....
Well, I remember we risked a kiss ^_^ and I serenaded him a few times :D "Black and Gold", "Baby when you're gone". He tried to explain A level physics to me XD That was funny. What did I say to make him say his line? "You make me laugh" *sigh* I do love that line.
Whatever happened, I knew, and told him so, that he too brightened up my emotionally unstable day. Oh that's it! I asked him "Is that too cliqued?" and he laughed :D. I love his laugh. And his smile.
After he left, I walked to the bus station. Late bus but at least it wasn't the 3rd bus today :D. As I was walking down from the bridge, I thought that I might as well go to Morrisons to spend my last 15 mins. As I walked towards it, my keen hearing picked up the sound of someone running from behind me. And, who would come into my vision, none other but Tron :D That just completed my puzzled heart. Him running towards me with his ^_^ face just made me crack and finally got back to normal. *moronic grin*.
During 15 minutes, Tron spoke so much! I'm glad he did cos now we are officially, as my mum called it, surrogate brother and sister (I swear that is the wrong term to use...). I love this! I have the old Tron back! The amazing friend I'd always wanted. Kind, helpful and sweet. The one who helped with with my school work all the way back in year 9, the first person to pull me out of depression. I am so overjoyed to have him back !!!!!!!! :DDDDDD XDDDD *moronic grin!*
Ahhhh, my pack + mi amor + Tron + chocolate = happy Wolfy ;D
I LOVE YOU ALL :D ♥ ♥ ♥