She's coming back.
I can feel her. Each time I look at his name on messenger, I feel her gathering words she wants to throw out into the world. She wants to hurt me, to hurt other people. She wants me to say what I feel about him. Say everything.
It's true though. I yearn for him. I yearn for him too much. When he's not there, I feel kinda lost. My family don't replace him as such but they numb the yearning. I love them. They always have pieces of my heart. But he has one too.
He says so little. He speaks mainly the obvious. I know hardly anything about him. Yet he knows about my soul. I try to communicate to him how I feel but I don't know about what is inside his head. He knows how I think. How does he think?
This is so selfish. He's revising for his life. Literally, he must do well in the next few months or the rest of his life isn't going to be the way he wants it to be. I mustn't distract him or get in the way... I mustn't be a burden.
AHHHHH But he's never around. Our situation means that even when we see each other, we can't open up to each other or show exactly how we're feeling.
Talk mi amor! NO She's taking me over. I'm trying to stop her saying these selfish things. She wants to come first and take priority. I don't. I want to see him do well, to see him go to university and be brilliant. Me yearning for him isn't going to help is it?
My Voice is evil. Darkness summed up in one conciousness. What shall I name her? Well, Spanish for Voice is Voz, Dark is Oscura. I'll give her an exotic name.
Vozcura? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!