'Cause I'm Damned If I Do Ya, Damned If I Don'tMature

"I'll be right back." I said to erik, standing up. He smiled and absent-mindedly stirred his coffee. I slowly made my way towards the bathroom. Ella was talking rapidly, looking sorry for herself. as I came closer, I managed to hear the conversation.

"Long story short, I slept with him. I slept with him so he wouldn't be a virgin when he does the nasty with Angelina. And, well, he did me pretty hard. And I enjoyed showing Natalia that I am more attractive, sexier and generally better. Well not better but ... ... You know what I mean. Boys wanna fuck me." She said, matter-of-factly. My heart stopped, but my feet didn't. I stood behind Jasmine, looking at my so-called best friend. Her look of surprise turned to one of pure glee, and she looked ugly. I turned on my heel and started walking in the opposite direction, hot tears stinging my eyes. I've got to get out of here, I told myself. I heard Jasmine say,

  "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched and turned to Ella, my face blank. I felt completely numb.

  "Look, Nat, let me explain..." She tried to touch me again but I stepped away from her grasping hand.

  "There's nothing to explain." I said calmly, feeling rage slowly build up within me.

  "Yes there is. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I was simply..." She stareted. I cut her off.

  "Telling Jasmine how undesirable I am? The fact that I'm still a virgin? The fact that I am not beautiful? THE FACT THAT YOU SLEPT WITH THE BOY I'VE WANTED FOR 5 YEARS?! THE FACT THAT YOU BETRAYED ME?!" I screamed. Everyone was looking at me, but I didn't care at that moment. I saw Ella's face slowly grow redder.

  "I'm sorry." She said.

  "No you aren't. Don't you fucking lie to me. You were my friend. My best friend. How could you?"

  "BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE YOU! You know that! You know you've always been the prettiest, the smartest, the one the guys wanted! Oh you didn't notice, 'cause you were too bessotted with him to open your eyes!" She pointed at Erik, who had been watching with a horrified look on his face the whole time. I shook my head in denial, but she laughed at me. A cold, dark laugh that was nothing like Ella's usual one. Did I know her at all anymore. No, I thought, No I didn't.

  "So you became a whore? To 'be like me'?" I asked, spitting my words out with as much venom as I could manage. She held her head up, in a pride that she didn't really feel.

  "I was doing something you weren't. I was loved." I laughed.

  "Do you honestly think that sex equates to love? How naive are you? You were just a casual fuck, a piece of ass. You don't meant anything to anyone." She smiled at me.

  "But I had Erik. He was drunk, and pouring his heart out, about the fact that he was a virgin, and that he was scared because Angelina was so obviously... experienced." She paused, and I glanced at Jasmine, who looked disgusted. "So I... comforted him." She took a step closer to me so our noses were almost touching. "I had Erik, and you didn't. I took what you believed to be yours, and now I'm better than you."

  "You'll never even be in the same league as me, let alone be better than me, you stupid slut." I spat. That hit home, and her face betrayed her by showing the hurt that she tried to conceal. "Now, get out." I told her. I knew that it was a public establishment and I couldn't actually make her leave, but she understood and left. I stood, trying to steady my breathing. I hadn't noticed that I had been crying until then. Both Jasmine and Erik stood and came towards me, but I held my hands up, warning them to stay away. "Leave me alone." I said, and made a dash for the toilets, suddenly nauseous. I just amanged to close the door to the toilet before throwing up.

The End

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