It had finally dawned on me - what that feeling was like every time I looked into that mirror - it felt like I was hung-over and couldn't quite remember what I had just done and every time I tried to remember, it was slightly blurry, out of focus.
I quickly grabbed the top that I had discarded the previous night, covering myself up as much as I could. I looked over to Beth who was still deep in her dream. What had I done? I could feel myself crying - there was no question about it - I had completely lost Tilda now.
I wandered over to my wardrobe, picking out some clothes as quickly as possible and dressing myself, eager to end the nudity. I started to watch her sleep, letting the tears drip down my face. As she slowly woke, I moved into the kitchen and put the kettle on, noticing more of our clothing. I felt so ashamed.
"Morning, Magda." She murmured, still half asleep in my bed.
"Hey Beth - I have to go out so." I began, moving to the door.
"What about last night? Where do we stand?" She was standing in the doorway to my room, still completely naked.
"It was a mistake." I mumbled. "I'm sorry Beth." I looked back at her just once, seeing the understanding and upset on her face. I frowned slightly as I opened the door and started making my way down the corridor.
"Wait, Magda." She was at the door, her head sticking out.
"I can't." I kept on walking.
"Magda, please." She was behind me now, taking my hand and leading me back to my flat. "I'm sorry. It's my fault."
"No, Beth. It's my fault." We hugged by my door, her robe opening slightly. I rapidly moved to cover her up which made her smile.
"Thanks." She laughed a little, going back into my place to change.
"Don't tell her, yeah?" I asked, hopeful. She nodded in agreement - we both had too much to lose.