I stared at myself. My eyes were red and I looked quite terrible. I turned away quickly and walked quickly out of the room. I stood with my back against the wall for some time, just breathing. I felt terrible. It wasn't that I had hurt Alfie. I wasn't too worried about that. I was worried that, by hurting him, I had lost him. I suppose I shouldn't have cared but the fact was that I think I had feelings for him. I don't think they were very deep feelings but the sex wasn't all too bad.
I don't know why I said those things to him. It was as if it wasn't me saying them.
I decided to go to the bar. A drink to calm the nerves. I thought that maybe I could pick up a new lad there. I dressed up quite nice and made up my face and hair. I sat by the bar with a fancy cocktail that I didn't really like but it had a high alcohol content so I couldn't care less. A few hours and a lot of drinks later I left the bar alone