In that moment, you wanted to feel. You truly did want to open up and let someone into your life, someone who belonged there. You just weren't strong enough to do it. Because you were only thirteen. You were only thirteen, and you knew absolutely nothing about the world. You didn't know that feelings were something people fought for, and that love didn't happen everyday. You didn't know that most fourteen-year-old boys weren't willing to hold your hand, tell you that you were beautiful, take you to your favorite ice cream shop and talk as the hours dwindled away. And you completely took for granted all the movies that you pretended to watch as you nervously glanced at each other, how he took you for long walks and taught you how to spit for distance, and always walked you home afterwards, even though it was out of his way. You were only thirteen, and you didn't think about how angry, hurt, and filled with regret your sixteen year old self would be that you had ignored something so rare and amazing, something that may never happen for you again. You didn't think about anything or anyone; you just walked away, because it was easier to feel nothing than to crash and burn. But how did you know that a crash and burn would come? You didn't. You closed off your mind, you ignored your heart, and now you're stuck here three years later, sitting alone in the middle of the night with nobody to call when you can't sleep, haunted by the life that could have been yours forever.