If the world was made of tyres?

An abstract yet stupid essay on why the world would be weird if it were made of tyres...

Black, very black...

...and smelly. Very smelly. Like the fresh smell of a leather boot that's been urinated on by a tramp. Like the enveloping warmth of carbon monoxide. Like 800 tons of water compressing down on your lungs while you are slowly cooked on a tray of olive oil.

We'd all be circular in shape, which means dogs would be attracted to biting the hell out of us - but then again, they would be circular, so they would start biting themselves. Thus, it's a dog-eat-dog world - quite literally!

Severe global pollution wouldn't be a problem, as we would probably be breathing in carbon dioxide and all other kinds of pollutants naturally, and we'll all die of oxygen poisoning. Thus, breathing is an issue. We'll have to evolve 'grills' of some sort.

Tyre people, imagine that! People with tyre heads, tyre bodies, tyre legs, tyre buttocks, tyre... reproductive organs! Actually, how the hell would that work! Would there be oil explosions?

Hey yeah, oil! That's not expensive any more! CUZ IT'S OUR BLOOD! Blood would be like oil!

"Hey partner, I just bored me a thousand gallons of blood today!"

Well, due to our speech problems (our lips are made of rubber), it would sound more like this:

"Bey barpma, I bwusp bored me a fwousam gallons off bloobl poobay!"


So. We have come to the conclusion that - If the world were made of tyres, then:

  • Dark and smelly.
  • Circular body form.
  • Dogs are cannibals.
  • Severe global pollution.
  • Oxygen poisoning.
  • Bleeding oil!
  • Blood as expensive as oil!
  • Speech problems.
The End

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