yea, so this is a sort of rant...its just really getting old y'know? like sweriously ._.
feel free to vent also! it makes me smile to know im not the only one ridiculously peeved off about something :3
do you know what i want? i want one guy, JUST ONE, that actually is who he says he is. i want one of those perfectly imperfect guys that seem to live in foreign lands and shit but never anywhere even remotely close to me. i want one of those "dont worry about it baby,i got you no matter what" and actually mean it guys.
all i really want is for someone to understand me, and truly care about the REAL me. not just the picture of me in their mind that they masturbate to, or daydream sexually about. i want someone who can look at me and actually TELL what it is im feeling.
i want someone who will stay. not be perfect, or be my servant (because honestly that shit right there? yea thats annoying! think for yourself goddamn it! >.<). i want that one person who no matter how difficult and complicated i may make things, he will stay and simplify everything, and help me make it through.i want someone who will do that- be there for me just in case i need a helping hand while i save myself.
i want someone who will argue and debate and fight back when im being rude and obnoxious and a total ass- i want him to not take it too seriously, and when i break down afterwards, i want him to know that he has to do is hold me. and wipe my tears, and make me food...
i want someone to know that food is the way to my heart, and who, every time he knows im pissed at him, buys me doughnuts. and not just ANY doughnuts- LONG"S doughnuts. (in all honesty, since im moving to california eventually, the guy who buys me long's doughnuts at that point, i will marry. bc i dont think california has long's doughnuts 0.0)<-- (im being serious ._. i WILL marry that determined bastard v.v)
i want someone who- not because i told him, but because he listens to me- knows that my poetry is everything i am. that its the thoughts i cant formulate in any other way, and i hope he knows that if he is truly the guy who holds my heart, that my i love you's will be hidden in my art.
and i truly i hope that one day i found that one person im unafraid to share all of my past with- and i hope that i know him when i find him. because he will certainly know me better than i know myself, and living without him would be misery and hell in a very real sense.