I See YouMature

I see you. 

I see you in the face of little girl I hold. Your clothes are torn and most days you leave the table hungry. Though we speak a different language and live two completely different lives, I see you. You precious soul that smiles so freely and laughs at my feeble attempts to communicate with you. There's not much of a need to talk though, I can feel the simple love and acceptance for me pour from you regardless of my short-comings.

I know your past, I know how you've been let down. I know how you've been left by the people who were supposed to be with you, I know how you've been hit by the only people in this world that were supposed to protect you, I know how you've been unloved by the only people in this world that were supposed to love you. 

I know your past. You don't know mine but when I look into your shining eyes.....I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of the days I can't get out of bed because I'm so depressed. I'm ashamed of my failures. I'm ashamed....because a child like you is joyful and content in any and all situations. I see your joy, and your love for Christ, and you put me to shame. 

I see you. 

I see the hurt written across your face. You try to be a strong man, but I can see the tired boy crying out from the inside. You've turned to other methods of relief from the weariness you've been feeling. But no matter how many drinks you've taken, no matter how smoky your mind gets, you still feel that pain. It's deep down, and it won't disappear no matter how many times you've tried to escape or written out the hurt with your own blood.

You've been rejected by the very man who was supposed to teach you how to be a man, and what are you to do now? I've seen how you've grown from being a struggling boy to a world-weary soul. You don't have dimples anymore, and every time I look into your eyes I see fear. I see a fear that would threaten to consume you whole, a fear that screams at you every night to end it all. 

Don't ever give in. Don't ever give up. There is but hope in this dark world. I see you in your just ignited fight, and I am cheering you on. I am fighting for your soul every single night. You are in my thoughts, my prayers, and I plead to God for your soul. 

Don't give up. 

I see you. 

I see how you're trying so hard. I see how you breakdown every night in your fight to survive. You keep trying to smile, but the demons inside your head whisper the lies you so easily buy. You put your game face on, but inside fragile heart is breaking again. You think that the way to find love is through your appearance, your status, your confidence, or any of the other thousands of the things you don't have. 

You say that you are unlovable for fear of being love, you say that you are unworthy for fear of being redeemed, you say that you are breaking for fear of healing. You are beginning to truly believe that this pain you've been feeling is your life from here on out.

Because of this you fight the urge to leave scars upon your body. You fight the urge to refuse to sustain your body. You fight the hand that would reach for the pill bottle. It feels that all you do now is fight, fight, fight. The hopelessness that engulfs you when you realize that this miserable life you live is truly your own is nearly unbearable. 

The tears spill out of your eyes and in the few instances that people actually see, you simply say you're tired. But I know your secret, I know how hard it is to heal. 

But hope will come. Healing with come, as will as peace. There will be times when you have to pick up your sword again, but someday you will rest. You will heal, and continue to heal. The healing will never end, and always remember that even death will someday be conquered. 

I see you, but sometimes it's not easy. 

Someday's it's hard to see you when my eyes are boggled down by the murky despair. But if I look hard, I see you everywhere I look.

I see you in the smile of strangers, in the weary tears of the fatherless child, in the stories of the broken healers, and in the peaceful silence of friendship. I see you in all things beautiful, and in the ugly. I see you in the wholeness, and I see you in the broken. I see what has been left untainted, and I see you in the what could be. I see you in tight, long hugs when there are no more words to be said. I see you in the prayers from the people who have nothing for the people who have everything. 

I see you in the possible, and I see you in the future. 

I see you.


The End

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