So the 40 days of mourning passed, then I felt good, happy, cheerful etc.
Was I the same man as before? Definitely not I was trying to get back up still. I think for 2ish months I was feeling good.
I then started going down in thinking my life was going to end. I said if my life doesn't end on the 20th of March I shall take it through meditation which I do not classify as suicide... I dont classify seppuku (ritual suicide in Japan) as suicide. So I kept on living to the 20th hoping that I met someone who I loved who would help me through this or die or stay alive.
It passed and I was still here alone with no girl to love and broken to pieces.