Shit, this was all going too fast. I mean, I’d only just gotten over kissing and he wanted to… No. No way. Seriously? That’s more like Cayden’s speed for doing things not mine. I mean, I don’t even…and he wants to… Oh shit, say something. Don’t just fucking lie there thinking about how this is too soon, fucking say something. Hadley Smith, open your fucking mouth and tell him. Hadley. Hadley, this is your brain speaking; he’s about to pull down your boxers, fucking say something.
“Maxxie…” was all I managed to mumble. Well done, that’s totally going to let him know you’re so fucking freaked out by this.
"Stop. Please" I said quietly, almost shyly. I sounded like a fucking child.
He sat back at my childish pleas, though "Sorry"
I bit my lip again, almost certain I tasted blood. "Don't be"
"No, I shouldn't have- sorry."
Oh, come on, Maxxie. You’re not the one who’s s’posed to feel bad about it. I chewed on my lip a little and yep, I definitely tasted blood. "I think I'm bleeding"
Maxxie wiped at my lip, seemingly not bothered by the red that coated his fingertip and I smiled a little. He lay down on his side next to me and I found myself thinking. Would it have been so bad if he’d… I mean, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it if it’d been a girl, right? I bit my lip again and closed my eyes because frankly, this was all too fucking confusing.
"You're not gonna have a lip left to bite soon," Maxxie said, playing with my hair.
I smiled, keeping my eyes closed. "I'll just have to gnaw someone else's to death then, won't I?"
I sighed. Why is this all so difficult? You’re convinced you love him, right? So why are you being so fucking difficult with everything?
"I'm just fed up of all this"
"You can't really help it," he said, shrugging slightly. Trust me, if you got me fucking wasted and did whatever shit you wanted to do with me chances are I’d be fine with it the next day.
"Doesn't stop me being fed up of it. I feel like I'm back in high school"
"Can't say I can relate."
"Let's just say it's not pretty when you have girls draping themselves over you and practically jerking you off in the middle of class. But that wasn't what I meant anyway" Especially not when you’re being taught about various STDs.
"What did you mean then?"
"There was this girl in my class, can't remember her name, and she had one of those purity ring things and she'd like taken a chastity vow or something. Anyway, everyone used to talk about sex and shit around her cause they knew it made her feel awkward. I've fucking turned into her" Wait, wasn’t she Laura Malone’s baby sister? I don’t know, I can’t remember.
He leant over and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry, Hads. I don't mean to make you awkward."
"It shouldn't make me feel awkward, though. That's what I'm fed up of"
"Yeah, but you've never been attracted to a guy before, and up til now, you've always known you're straight, right? It's gonna take a while to adjust, I guess."
I groaned and buried my head in his chest. Why did this have to be so fucking difficult? Maxxie hugged me and I mumbled against him "I'm such a pansy"
"No you're not"
"Yes I am" I whined before lying back on the bed, my face determined.
Maxxie smiled. "You're not. What's the face for?"
"The only way things are gonna stop being weird is if I just do it, right?"
"Right. You were gonna... so just do it. And if it feels weird then I'll just ignore it" I said, trying not to blush at the mere thought of it.
"Hadley, you don't have to if you don't want to."
I shook my head. "Just do it before I lose my nerve"
He kissed me then shuffled backwards, going down on me. Fuck, it felt weird. Alright, Hadley, you said you were just gonna ignore the weird so that’s what’s gonna happen. I felt my face twist into a frown but I didn’t say anything. Jeez, it still felt weird even if I tried to picture a girl doing it. I clamped my eyes shut and had just about managed to focus on something else when Caleb burst in.
"Hey guys, what's... Hadley, how come you never let me do that?"
"Gayleb" Maxxie whined, "I was actually getting somewhere, fuck off". Told you I was letting him down.
"No, not til you give me my Hadley back" Caleb said and I could tell he was pouting.
I felt a weight on me and cracked an eye open to see Maxxie sat on me. "No."
"But my Hadley needs me"
“Needs you to leave, for a little while”
Caleb sat on the other bed and crossed his arms. Poor Maxxie, Caleb could stay there for hours.
"If you leave us alone for a bit, I'll blow you, too."
"Is that a promise?"
"Yes it is."
"No jokes. Shoo."
"Like totally for serious?"
Maxxie facepalmed. Like actually facepalmed. I didn’t even know people did that.
"I need to know these things. You're lucky I haven't asked for you to sign an agreement in your own blood"
Maxxie said nothing. That won’t help you, Max.
"Maxxie" Caleb said, bouncing on the bed a little.
"Why isn't Alex keeping you entertained?"
"Because he's mean and don't change the subject"
"I said I'll give you a blow job like fifty times, now get out!"
"Score" Caleb grinned before dashing back out of the room.
Maxxie growled slightly and I chuckled. "What were you saying last night about the barely legal?"
"I was trying to make him go away. It was the first thing I thought of."
"And now you've got to go down on him. Smooth"
"Mmm. I'll finish going down on you, first. Unless you don't want me to"
I gave him a tiny nod. And it was tiny because I wasn’t entirely sure. Part of me wanted him to stop and for me to get as far away from that room as possible. But then this other tiny part of me wanted him to carry on. Either way, I had to get this done and out of the way so it wouldn’t feel weird next time. Well, if there was a next time.
Maxxie smiled and moved off me, finishing off what he started. By the time he was done I felt a little less weird but I still wasn’t exactly thrilled about it. "You better go deal with Caleb, he'll be getting impatient" I said, not exactly catching Maxxie’s eye.
"He can wait. Unless you want me to go?"
I shrugged. "It's up to you"
"Mmm" he sighed, "I should probably get it over with."
"Yeah, otherwise you'll have a horny frustrated ginger knocking the door down. Did I mention he's probably naked?"
"You didn't, but thanks for the warning."
"Don't let him steal you" I said, laughing a little.
"I don't think Alex would let him steal me," he laughed too.
I kissed him, ignoring how weird it was tasting myself on his tongue. "Get going, hotshot"
He kissed back. "See you in a bit, gorgeous" he said, standing up and leaving to go deal with Caleb.
The second he was gone I curled up and hugged my knees. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have done that because fuck, I felt weird.