"Alex, open the fucking door," I groan past the cigarette clamped between my lips. I bang my head on his motel door, cursing myself. I thump my head on the door a few more times, sucking in smoke like my life depends on it. When the door opens at last, I'm leaning on it, and I practically fall into the room.
"Max!" he says, surprised as I manage to stop myself falling on him. I groan again and push past him, ignoring as he takes the cigarette from me and throws it outside. I flop face down on the bed, trying to pretend Caleb isn't there too, frowning at being woken up. Alex sits on the edge of the bed beside me and I don't move. "Maxxie?" he asks softly.
"He doesn't care!" I wail into the bed, "I couldn't hold it together and he doesn't care!"
"Hey, c'mon, he does care. He's just being an idiot right now," Caleb says in the same tone as Alex and I lift my head to look at him incredulously.
"You weren't there, how can you fucking know?"
"I've known him since we were kids, remember?"
"I'm talking about Cayden, dumbass."
"So was I."
"Thought you were Hadley's buddy," I mutter, burying my face back in Alex's pillow.
"I am. And when Hadley used to follow Cayden around like he was the fucking sun I used to follow."
"He's the furthest thing from the sun right now," I mumble, feeling Alex's arm move over me. He pulls me up into a hug. I curl up against him and rest my head on his chest, staring blankly at the floor.
"Like I said, he's being an idiot."
"Yeah, well, I'm going to get my stuff tomorrow and go home." Caleb bites his lip and looks at Alex, who kisses the top of my head.
"You're being an idiot, too. You're not supposed to just give up like that," Alex tells me. Um, what? I push him off me and stand up, backing away from them.
"Why did I fucking come here? What would you know? I didn't give up on you for two years! I'm not going to do that to myself again!" I yell, watching as Alex's eyes flash, his cheeks heating up a little.
"If you're so certain it's not worth fighting for then how come you were in love with him? I thought being in love with someone meant you're willing to fight for them if you have to," Caleb says, trying not to start shouting and I feel my jaw clench irritably.
"If it ever got as far as love, it was one sided," I growl.
"How long were you guys together?" I was supposed to be counting?
"A few months, I dunno."
"You know what his record is since John? Three days. Three days for him to fuck off with someone else. He was with you for months, surely that's gotta mean something?"
"If it meant anything, he wouldn't have found it so easy to fuck John."
"You're telling me you wouldn't have fucked him again if Cayden hadn't come along?" he asks, pointing at Alex. Alex arches an eyebrow, knowing full well that I wouldn't have forgiven him, or gotten back with him for a pretty long time.
"If I hadn't met Cayden, maybe. It would have taken longer than one day to forgive him enough for it, though."
"Cayden had five years to forgive him, Maxxie, and evidently he did." Yeah. I noticed. I don't say anything. I can feel the urge to cry welling up in my chest, despite the fact I did quite a lot of crying on the way here. "You know what, fine. Don't fucking bother with Cayden anymore. But just think about what you're leaving behind. Cayden'll go back to his eventually but what's staying here, hmm?" I lean back on the wall and slide down it til I'm slouching on the floor, my legs bent up in front of me. Words won't come. Neither will my breath.
Alex crouches down beside me, murmuring for me to calm down, pushing my hair out of my face and taking my hand in his. I grip it tightly like a life buoy and close my eyes.