This is going better than I expected. A lot better. I was anxiously hanging around, convincing myself that a) Cay was going to be a total bitch and not even try to hear me out, and b) lung cancer was a good option at the time.
I see now, I was wrong on both counts.
When he asks me if there's anything else I wanna clear up only one thing comes to mind. So I nod.
"Yeah... I wanna know how to get you out of a bad mood," I half smile, resisting the urge to scooch over to him and hug him like the world is ending. Because yes: I'm trusting Cay over Alex, and doing my best to ignore my ex. By the time he starts bugging me again, I should be able to cope with it.
"Hmm... Food, sex and SpongeBob," he says with a nerdy grin and I can't help but smile back, relieved he's smiling and meaning to this time.
"I think I can arrange at least two out of the three," I say, "so long as you don't have anything else bugging you?"
"No. If I start bitching about anything over the next couple days just ignore it, that's how I get anger out of my system. Trust me, I'm not gonna be fun to be around," he warns and I nod, taking it on board. I'd be stupid not to - I know how easy it is to upset me after all.
"Thanks for the heads up," I mutter, standing and moving to the little table between the TV and an arm chair where the telephone lives, kept company by a wad of take away menus. Fuck knows how I'm still not fat. "What d'you want to eat, then? Chinese? Pizza?" I take the menus back over to him, purposely sitting closer than I had a moment ago. It's no fun sitting pressed up into the corner of the sofa, unable to tell how being closer will go down.
"Hmmm...." he murmurs, pretending to consider the menus I gave him. "Can we get sushi? I've always wanted to try it..."
"Sure. We can go to the sushi bar, if you want," I suggest. It's not far from here. In fact, I chose my apartment for how close it was to food, not for the fact it was an apartment.
"Score," he moves in as though he's about to kiss me, and hesitates. Shuffling a little closer to him, I close the gap, pressing my lips against his warmly. He hums into the kiss and I smile, reluctantly breaking the contact.
"I love you," I murmur, resting my head on his shoulder so I can kiss his neck lightly. Um, brain to mouth, brain to mouth! Think before you speak, please.
I tense slightly, realising what I just said.
"W-what?" he stammers, and I sit back up, suddenly awkward.
"Umm... shall we go?" I ask, going to get up, but he pulls me back down, laughing. Fuckery.
"No, what did you just say?" I can feel my cheeks heating up, so I turn my face away from him, hoping he doesn't see.
"I- I said I love you. But don't you go getting any ideas!" I add, attempting to sound threatening. Oh, and failing, by the way. Because I'm still blushing like a fucking idiot. And I just generally fail at being aggressive in any way, shape or form.
Cay feels the need to inform me of this fact: "You really can't do threatening," he tells me with another laugh and I scowl at him.
"Shut up," I mutter, with little conviction. He grins at me, but... it doesn't seem to reach his grey eyes. They seem kinda... I dunno. Empty? Cold? I dunno what it is, but I do know I really don't like it.
I blink and make myself look away from them. "Shall we go, then?"