“Cayden, could you run out back and see if we have any spare copies of Tuesdays With Morrie?” Brent asked, knocking me out of my dark spiral of self-loathing.
“Huh?” I asked, looking at my boss like he’d just asked me to find the cure for cancer.
“Tuesdays With Morrie. Can you go see if we have any out back”
“Uh, right” I said with a nod, heading for the back room and looking through the piles of odd books. Brent really should get it organized out here. Maybe I could do it when there was no one in the store. Or at least when there was few enough that Brent could handle them on his own.
I found the book Brent wanted and brought it out to him before slipping back into that dark spiral. First came guilt, then self-loathing, then denial, then some more self-loathing, then a little moping and finally straight back to guilt. Brent noticed it but didn’t comment on it, other than that it was about time I took my painkillers. Which I did without a fuss considering I can’t swallow tablets that easy. Brent just smiled and poked me in the ribs. God, I love that dick.
By the time I got home my dark spiral had a few more stages. We had quite a bit more moping, which resulted in me pacing around the living room for half an hour. This made me hungry so I cooked something but wasn’t happy with the end result due to over-analysing everything and feeling so guilty that I didn’t deserve to eat so I threw it away and moped for at least another half hour. I finally gave into my hunger at that point and cooked something light since the painkillers were still making me nauseous. Bad decision. Less than an hour later I was hunched over the toilet puking every single thing back up.
I trudged back into the living room and threw myself on the sofa, feeling worse than I had in years. I tried to focus on whatever was on TV but my mind just kept drifting back to Maxxie. Where was he? What was taking him so long? Hell, was he even coming back? I tried to convince myself that I was overreacting and that he was just at work but as the hours started drifting by I started doubting it. I slipped into the bedroom, breathing in Maxxie’s scent from his pillow before drifting off to sleep.
I woke up a couple hours later in a cold sweat. Having nightmares that could potentially happen aren’t good. I’d dreamt that Maxxie just disappeared, left no trace of ever being here or ever being with me as if he’d never existed. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and tried to calm my racing heart. Wait, did I just hear the door close? I leapt out of bed, ignoring the wave of nausea that washed over me and dashed into the living room to find… nothing. Absolutely nothing. No hint that anyone but me had been in the place, no hint that the door had been opened since I got back from work, nothing. I sat back down on the couch and moped again, listing off all the reasons why Maxxie wouldn’t come back. Which is when I did hear the door open.
I leapt off the couch and practically bounded over to the front door, showering Maxxie in hugs and kisses. I was so absorbed in drowning him in affection that I barely noticed he didn’t kiss back or even respond to what I was doing.
“Where’ve you been? I’ve been freaking out all day” I asked between kisses, still barely noticing how he didn’t kiss back.