This Alex guy... Smug bastard that he seemed to be, when he said I was just a rebound… It made sense. I mean, he’s the only person I’ve ever been with that’s put up with my libido, why else would he stick around if it wasn’t just for a rebound fuck? I tried not to stare holes in the floor as Maxxie tried to explain himself and kept glancing at the flowers in my hand. My grip around the stems tightened as this Alex tried to justify his reason for being there.
"I'm sorry, Cay, this kinda ruined the romantic surprise," Maxxie mumbled, eyes drifting to the flowers again.
I kept staring at the floor, knowing that if I looked up I’d do something stupid. I stayed like that for what felt like an eternity but was probably only a minute or two. I cleared my throat and shifted my gaze up a little, still not looking Maxxie in the eye. “I think… I think I should go” I said quietly.
“Cay” Maxxie sounded like he was about to cry.
I looked down at the flowers and sort of shoved them in Maxxie’s direction. “You might as well have these. Do what you want with them. Put them in water, throw them away, whatever”.
And with that, I turned and walked out of the apartment. I’d just made it outside when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t bother turning round, just waited for Maxxie to say what he had to say.
“Cay, I swear to God you’re not a rebound. Alex is just-”
“You said you were getting over him”.
“You said you were getting over him. How long’s it been?”
“How long?” I asked, trying not to raise my voice.
Maxxie was silent for a while before finally giving in and saying quietly “Two years”.
“Two years. Two fucking years and you’re only getting over him?!” Maxxie opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off, “No, don’t even fucking say anything. It’s been two fucking years and you’re still not over him, how is that supposed to make me feel?! I seriously thought I could change for you”.
I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and took a step forward. “I’ll call you. Maybe” I said before walking away from the guy I thought I loved.
Two hours and several shots later I sat at a bar. Not the bar I met Maxxie at. Some other bar where people go to drown their sorrows. I threw back another shot of god knows what and groaned as the liquor burnt the back of my throat.
“Urgh, fucking alcohol tolerance fucking piece of shit!” I shouted at no one in particular, willing the calming effects of the alcohol to kick in. But this was me I was talking about. And when have I ever had luck with things like that?
Twenty shots later and I was maybe feeling a little tipsy but nowhere near as drunk as I wanted to be. I looked up from the bar in time to see some guy with brown hair smiling at me in a very seductive manner. He sidled over and offered to buy me a drink. Of course I said yes. I wanted to be drunk, I wasn’t going to turn down free booze. I was feeling worthless and used so I couldn’t help it when I snapped at him for suggesting we take things back to his place.
“Fucks sake” I muttered, partly at the fact that I wasn’t getting drunk fast enough, partly at the fact that I’d let some perfectly good pick-me-up sex walk away but mainly at Maxxie and Alex. Fucking Alex, who the fuck did he think he was? Fucking dick.
I groaned into a glass of Jack Daniels, swigging it back and ordering another three. And did the barmaid look concerned? Not one little bit.