Cayden: What If I Lose Him?Mature

I woke up around midday after the best night of my life, snuggling up to the warm body that lay next to me in bed. I hadn't had a fuck like that in God knows how long. See, John was good in bed but he didn't like being teased and he wasn't all that fond of rough sex. Unless, of course, he was the one doing the fucking. The person I was snuggled up to nuzzled me in his sleep and I hummed a little.

"Shit" I said after a while when I realised just who I was snuggled up to. "Shit, shit, shit"

I let go of Maxxie and he sort of woke up, opening one eye as I shuffled as far away from him as I could without falling off the bed.

"Fuck" I mumbled and he groaned, shutting the eye he'd opened.

"Go back to sleep" he said sleepily.

"Go back to sleep? How am I s'posed to go back to sleep when I just fucked my brother-in-law?"

He peeked at himself under the comforter. "I wasn't dreaming then" he said, nuzzling the pillow.

"Why do you not seem bothered about this? I should be kicking your ass, you just cheated on my brother"

"I have a hangover" he whined, rolling over and wrapping himself up in the comforter.

I got up, pacing around the apartment freaking out and Maxxie went back to sleep. I ended up spending the entire time he was asleep freaking out and didn't really stop when he did wake up.

"You cheated on my brother" I said as he groaned. He looked kind of confused, squinting up at me. "You cheated on my brother with me. Fuck"

"My head hurts" he whined.

"I don't care if your head hurts, you cheated on my brother" I said and he whined. "Fuck"

He put a pillow over his head and I stole it off him. I wasn't in the mood for him to be like this. He'd just cheated on my brother. I'd made him cheat on my brother. Fuck, what are the odds that I wasn't the first? He glared at me slightly and I resisted the urge to hit him.

"You can glare all you want"

So he did.

"I s'pose at least I know what you were doing in that bar now"

"I was there to have a change of scene. Not cheat on my husband" he said, looking a little offended.

"A change of scene. Right. Didn't know a change of scene meant you had to ditch your wedding ring"

He put another pillow over his face and I stole it, stealing the duvet as well when he tried to hide his head in it. He sat up and I looked at him. He glared again.

"Now I have a hangover and I'm cold"

"Sucks to be you. Oh stop glaring, you prick"

He glared at his hands instead.

"Might wanna put your wedding ring back on"

He got his clothes and fucked off into the bathroom while I slid on a pair of boxers, waiting for him to come back out. Which was when I heard the quiet little sobs.


"Fuck off"


I heard him sniffle and I tried the door, going into the bathroom when I found the door was unlocked. Maxxie was on the floor in just his boxers, tears sliding down his face as he held his ring. I knelt down, playing with his hair as soothingly as I could.

"I'm a shit husband" he sniffled.

"No you're not" I said and he was quiet. "You've only slipped up once, right? And I mean, we were pretty wasted. And I didn't exactly say no"

Maxxie buried his head in his hands.


He kept crying and I cuddled him, not really sure what to do.

"Please stop crying" I said sadly, feeling kind of guilty.

He tried and failed and I kept cuddling him. He cuddled back after a while and we just sort of sat there for a while. I still had no fucking idea what to do.

"I'm such a shit person" Maxxie mumbled.

"No you're not"

"I've cheated on my husband, of course I am"

"It was hardly your fault"

"How is it not my fault that I go to bars with my ring in my pocket so I can get laid?"

Oh. So I was right about this not being the first time then.

"How long have you been doing it for?"

"A few months"

I was quiet and he kept crying.

"You need to tell him, Max"

He shook his head. "I can't. I can't do that to him"

"He'll forgive you. He loves you too much not to"

"He won't. How could he forgive me?"

"He's crazy about you. Fuck, he married you after three months. Of course he'll forgive you"

He wasn't convinced in the slightest.

"If you leave it, it'll just get worse, Max"

"I can't tell him" he said, crying even more.

"Why not?"

"It'd kill him"

I felt the corners of my mouth turn down and Maxxie banged his head against the wall.

"Max, don't"

He did it again, going on about how he was a shit husband and a shit person. I sort of held onto him so he couldn't smack his head on the wall anymore and he just ended up crying even more.

"You... Just tell him you fucked me because we were drunk or something. I can deal with him hating me again, and then he'll know it was my fault. He doesn't have to know about the others"

He shook his head. "I can't do that to you either"

"I can deal with it" I said, smiling a little. After all, I spent five years being hated by him.

"I can't" he said and the floodgates well and truly opened.

I smothered him in a huggle, kissing the top of his head as he clung to me. He buried his head in my neck and I leant my head on top of his.

"You need to tell him, Max"


"You have to"

He was silent.

"How d'you think he'll react if he finds out and you haven't told him?"

He thought about it and ended up crying even harder. I didn't think it was physically possible to cry that much but apparently it is.

"That's why you have to tell him, Maxxie" I said but he was too busy being emo to care. "Maxxie"

He was still crying and I wiped away his tears but they were replaced pretty much as soon as I wiped them away. It was a battle I was clearly going to lose. So I gave up.

"C'mon, Max, please stop crying"

He started going on again about how shit he is and I interrupted him, giving him a serious look.

"Max Fuller, you aren't a shit husband or a shit person so you can stop saying that now"

He looked at me, all puffy eyed and gross looking.

"Hadley's lucky to have you. And he loves you with everything he has. He's not gonna let you go over something like this"

"What if he does?"

"He won't"

"Oh my god, what if I lose him?" he said, not really hearing me.

"You won't"

"I can't lose him. What'm I gonna do?"

"You're gonna tell him and then you're gonna apologise" I said but Maxxie looked like he couldn't get his head around it. "Look, he loves you, right?" I asked, a little frustrated.

"He won't after this"

"That wasn't what I asked"

He nodded slightly.

"It's sickening how much he loves you. And he's the type of guy that forgives people easily. Well, unless they're me but that's a whole different story"

He sniffled and I cuddled him, almost giving up on getting him to tell Hadley. It'd be fucking easier if I told him myself. He leant his head on my shoulder, calming down a little as I played with his hair. I smiled as he slid his ring back on, sniffling and wiping his face. I kissed the top of his head and he picked up his ripped shirt.

"Have you got something I can borrow?"

I nodded, going and getting him one of my baggier shirts in the hopes it'd fit him. I'm not saying he's fat, he's just not a stick insect like me. I handed him the shirt and he put his jeans on.

"D'you want me to come with you?"

He nodded a little. "Could you wait outside?"


"He won't be back for ages yet" he said and I nodded. "What am I gonna do til he gets back?" he kind of whined, burying his head in his hands.

"You're gonna keep calm and you're gonna cook him a nice meal, 'kay?"

He nodded a little and I smiled.

"He's going to hate me" he said nervously.

"He's not. I promise you"

He went into the living room, curling up on the couch and I followed him, still not sure what to say or do.

"Want me to get you anything?" was what I came up with in the end. He shook his head. "Sure?"

He nodded, shutting his eyes and I sighed, going and getting dressed. I just had to hope what I'd said about Hadley as right.

The End

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