I sit/throw myself down on the pavement by the park and wait for Hadley, trying to will myself sober for when he'd find me.
I feel like a shit fiancé.
Fuck it. I am a shit fiancé.
I'd thought about going to see Cay, or maybe John, but I'd just kept driving until I wasn't even in the same area anymore. I guess the whole letting Hadley down thing earlier bugged me more than I thought and then that on top of the wedding being so close... it all just kinda got on top of me, and I needed to go somewhere else. I hadn't really figured that somewhere else would be Culver City, or that it would involve a bar.
Or that it might involve some hot guy chatting me up, noticing the ring on my finger and then being all arsey with me because I hadn't mentioned that I was engaged. It was weird. Bad weird. Bad weird that made me drink more.
Sighing, I light another cigarette, kind of dismayed that it's the last one in a pack I only got a few hours ago. Next thing I know, is I'm being huggled by none other than my fiancé. I hug back.
"What're you doing out here anyway, idiot?" he asks, giving me a little kiss.
"I dunno," I mumble, hugging a little tighter, nuzzling his neck as he smiles. He plays with my hair a little, and I can't hold back a sniffle. "Can we go home now?"
"Sure," he says. I make a valiant effort to get up, but it ends up taking a lot of help from Hadley to get me on my feet. Despite that, I still try to walk on my own. ‘Try', being the operative word here.
On the drive back, I'm kinda quiet, just sitting there with my head on the window, trying not to throw up. He doesn't push things, though when I glance over, he looks a little bit worried. I give him a small smile and he smiles back.
"M'sorry," I mumble, "didn't mean to make you worry."
"It's okay, don't worry about it." You keep saying that. "It's not too late to change the date, y'know?" I'm not sure the date really matters. I mean sure, maybe if I had more time, I'd get my head around it more, but... whatever. I shake my head a little. "Are you sure? It doesn't bother me if you want to."
"I'm sure," I mumble quietly, probably not sounding all that convincing, but hey, I feel sick. The less I talk, the less likely I am to throw up all over his car. He smiles a little and I smile weakly back. He reaches over to hold my hand, totally disregarding the whole needing-two-hands to-drive thing. I squeeze it anyways, closing my eyes as he rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.
When we get back, I go straight to the bathroom, sit down next to the toilet, and throw up. I really shouldn't have eaten all that candy. Hadley sits with me and rubs circles on my back until I'm done.
"I think I ate your candy," I mutter, pulling the wrappers out of my pockets.
He smiles, "It's okay. I'd kiss you right now if your mouth wasn't gross," he says with a teeny giggle. I manage a smile, and reach up behind me, grabbing the mouthwash from the sink. "Much better," he says once I've rinsed out my mouth a few times. He gives me that kiss and hugs me as I kiss back. I cuddle him, closing my eyes as he kisses my shoulder. Noticing that I'm quite happy to fall asleep where I am, he sort of lifts me and shuffles us into the bedroom.
I stumble with him over to the bed, and kind of fall onto it, still holding onto Hadley. I end up pulling him down with me, cuddling up to him. I'm out like a light.