I was vaguely aware of the fact that I’d fallen asleep in that cave. I was also vaguely aware of this annoying yapping noise. What the fuck even makes a noise like that? I was half asleep but I didn’t quite have the determination to open my eyes and see what the source of the annoying as fuck noise was.
"Oh my good Lord" someone said very fucking loudly. It sounded like an old lady.
I cracked one eye open a little and saw some old lady standing over me and Maxxie.
"Oh my... Sweet Jesus, what even...? Prince, get away from there" Prince?
Maxxie shoved something away from himself, looked up at the old lady and rolled onto his side, shutting his eyes again.
"That is just disgusting. Don't you know this is a public beach?"
He grunted. Suddenly the old broad started hitting him with her purse. It was one of those old lady purses as well. Y’know, the really stiff black ones? Maxxie sat up and shuffled back, pulling a sort of horrified face.
"This is a respectable area. What if my grandson had walked in here and seen you two... homosexuals naked as the day God made you?" she sort of shouted, still hitting him.
"He might've liked it" Maxxie said, trying to get his shorts on.
"Don't say such disgusting things"
I properly woke up then. What the fuck? I glanced around and saw that, yes, the old lady was real and not just some beach-y dream. I still didn’t know what that fucking yapping thing was, though.
"Then don't hit me when I'm trying to sleep"
"Isn't there somewhere else you could give into your sick urges?"
Maxxie laughed. "The bed got boring. We figured we'd try here, just to piss you off" he passed me my shorts and I slipped them on.
"It's disgusting" Oldie said and paused. "I'll pray for your souls"
"You have fun with that. Chances are I'll see you in hell. Can't see God approving of you hitting a poor innocent young man"
"It's for your own good. Might knock some sense into you"
"Sense? You mean hitting me might suddenly make me straight?"
"It'll help you see the error of your ways"
"Your homosexuality, dear"
Maxxie grinned. "I can't help the way God made me, love"
"God didn't make you this way"
"No? Well as much as I'd love to discuss it, I think me and my fiancé left our towels out last night"
She look vaguely horrified at the word ‘fiancé’ and Maxxie smiled, offering me a hand to help me up. I got up and brushed some of the sand off myself.
"There's no hope left for you" Oldie mumbled.
"Sure there is. There's plenty of hope left for us. We're getting married, maybe we'll adopt a couple of kids. He's gonna be a doctor and I might set up a cafe somewhere. I'd say that sounds pretty hopeful" Maxxie said but Oldie was too busy being disgusted to answer back.
I smiled and he squeezed my hand a little.
"Now if you don't mind, we've got some towels to go find"
Oldie was still too busy being disgusted. Whatever was making the yapping carried on. I looked around and saw what it was. It was a... dog? I’m not sure if it was even a dog, it just looked like this kind of rat-dog hybrid.
The two of us walked out of the cave and along the beach a tiny bit before I stopped Maxxie, huggling him tightly. He huggled back.
"I'm not really expecting those towels to be there anymore" I said, chuckling slightly.
"Me neither, but she could've happily gone on all day about what abominations we are"
"I'd rather be an abomination with you than some God-fearing moron"
He smiled. "I'm glad"
"What's the plan for today then, my fellow abomination?"
"Dunno. Something abomination-like?"
"And how would you define that?" I laughed and he shrugged.
"I could set up a gay bar where she lives" he giggled.
I giggled as well. "That'd involve stalking her, though"
"Not really. Just follow the yapping"
“How was that a dog?" I laughed.
"It wasn't. It was a big rat with a yap"
I giggled and he smiled. I leant on him, smiling as he kissed my cheek.
"I fucking love you"
"I fucking love you too" he said, kissing me.
I kissed back kind of hard and he matched it.
"Disgusting!" Oldie shouted from behind us somewhere.
Maxxie looked at her before making out with me. Yeah, there was a lot of groping. Oldie no doubt looked horrified and I just blushed. He grinned, giving me a hickey and I whined.
"C'mon sexy bum, we should go home before she starts throwing holy water on us"
I laughed. "You had to give me a hickey just for that?"
He grinned and I tutted.
"What am I gonna do with you, eh?"
"Marry me and set up a cafe somewhere?" he smiled.
"Sounds like a plan" I said, nuzzling his nose.
“C’mon then. Let’s go home”
He nodded and I put an arm round his waist, smiling as his arm slid around my waist as well.