Jake got up and leant against the wall. "It’s not your fault.. I can’t do it cause I know its fake"
I sat up. "I didn't want to hurt you and that's all I've managed to do"
"I forced you, it’s my fault. I should know the point I can get to without causing myself pain... It’s not your fault you don't care for me how I want you too"
"I'll always love you as a friend" I said with a smile.
"And that not what I want... so it’s not much at the moment"
A small frown crept onto my face. "I still want to be your friend but if all you want is a relationship I guess this is goodbye"
"I want to be your friend, Cay... but I feel for you too much to think of you just as that... so yes, I do believe it is goodbye"
I started leaving but something made me change my mind. "I never told you about Maxxie, did I?"
"I don't believe you did" Jake said, still leaning on the wall.
"I loved him with everything I had. Man, if we'd stayed together I probably would've married the guy. But I fucked up. I fucked up and he left me and I don't blame him for that. We're still friends and it fucking hurts each time I see him but it would've hurt more if we'd just gone our separate ways"
"You can't just leave your life at that Cayden"
"Which is why I came here. I came here to get away from it all"
"Well, I'm Sorry for bringing drama back into your life"
"I didn't mean it like that"
"No, I am truly sorry...."
I sighed. "You've got nothing to be sorry for"
"You came to escape... I should understand that since I did the same. Yet I end up falling for you and that makes you feel like you need to sort it out... so I do have something to be sorry for"
I sighed again. "I'm not gonna convince you, am I?"
Jake laughed. "Cayden, this is going round in circles. You feel bad and I feel the same. I like you but you don't like me. Nothing’s going to change so why are we discussing this?"
"Because I know how it feels"
He looked at me sadly. "I've lost several people before, Cayden, and I'm still here"
"I know. It just helps to have people around, even if it doesn't seem like it"
"Dude... having the person I like trying to comfort me about the situation is a bit...contradicting the purpose of someone being there"
"I'll leave, if you want"
“I don’t care... Nothing’s changed, anyway. I’m leaving tomorrow for Paris at seven o’clock on the dot”
“I’ll swing by and see you off” I said with a weak smile.
“I won’t be here, Cay”
I shrugged. “I’ll find you somehow”
“Don’t try, Cayden. I don’t need to be seen off. I’m travelling alone so that’s how I’m doing it”
I kind of frowned.
“Cay... The reason I’m saying don’t come is cause I don’t think I’d be able to get on the plane if you did”
“Go, Cayden. You’re my friend but nothing more so just let me be”
I opened my mouth to say something but changed my mind. “Try and have fun, yeah?” I said, smiling weakly.
"Fun... yeah, I guess" he said, sitting on the floor with his back still pressed to the wall.
I left but the second I was out of the room I heard this weird thumping noise. I went back inside to investigate and found Jake throwing a tennis ball at the wall angrily. I watched him for a while.
"Thought you were leaving" he said, still throwing the tennis ball.
"Then why are you still here?"
I shrugged and he smiled slightly.
"I use to do this when I was a kid. Anytime I was upset, angry, bored or just needed to do something I'd do this for hours on end"
"What’s so funny?"
"Nothing. It's just... It's a lot different from what I did"
"What did you do?"
"A whole load of stuff. If I was upset, I'd go hide somewhere with John. If I was angry I used to snap and just punch whatever's closest. I still do, to be honest. And when I was bored I used to wind up my little brother"
Jake laughed and stopped throwing the tennis ball. He looked at it. "I got this one Christmas... the last one with my parents..."
I gave him a sympathetic look and he shrugged, throwing the ball again.
"This use to drive our neighbours bonkers. One night they came over shouting stuff like 'control that nuisance of a child' or 'don't you teach him manners?'" he laughed and I smiled. "They still gave me cookies when I went over though"
I chuckled. "My neighbours just reckoned they couldn't understand my accent"
"I hardly seem to look at the past... yet everything I do seems to focus on it”
He threw the ball at the wall again but it bounced off at the wrong angle and rolled to a stop at my feet. I picked it up and Jake watched me. I smiled, throwing it back to him.
"Thanks" he said as he caught it.
"That Max guy... I know he meant a lot to you but... you will have to move on eventually"
I sighed. "I know. I started to but..."
Pain flickered across my face. "He... He died"
"No. Uh, his name was... His name was Gage"
"It's the hospital's fault. They should've done more for him"
"You can only do as much as you’re able to... or the other person’s willing to happen"
"He was trying. He was trying so fucking hard" I said, biting back tears.
He got up and pulled me into a hug. I instinctively hugged back, half expecting it to be Maxxie and all of this to be a bad dream.
"Stay here tonight...not for anything just... comfort" Jake’s voice said and I sniffled, realising once more that all this was real.
"I'm s'posed to be over them"
"You never get over them... you just store them in your heart"
"I can't even go visit him. I don't know where his grave is and his parents won't even speak to me"
"Then find out... you have a right to know"
"Hardly. I never even got as far as asking him out"
"Then remember him in your own way"
"I want to see him. I want to let him know things are okay"
He smiled slightly. "Let me help you" he pulled away and knelt down, pulling his laptop out from underneath the bed. "Last name?"
He clicked something and typed something quickly. Gage’s name, I guess. "Birth, Death, Parents... place of rest, here" he said, tapping the screen. Is it even possible to have stuff like that on the internet? Is it even legal?
I looked at it. "I don't even know where that is"
“It’s in L.A. somewhere”
I sniffled again. "Maybe I'll try and find it when I go back"
"I suppose..." he shut the laptop and slid it back under the bed before lying down.
I stayed standing.
"Sit down if you ain’t leaving at least"
I sat and he moved over to hug me. I hugged back, beyond caring who it was I was hugging.
"I'm tired" he said after a while.
"Go to sleep. I'll go sit on the couch or something"
"I can't leave you on your own"
"Don't worry about it"
“No, I'll stay with you and possibly fall asleep"
"It's fine. I don't mind being on my own"
"Cayden... shut up"
I did. I didn’t feel any better and to be honest I just wanted to go and cuddle up with Ava. Fuck my life.