A concerned look snuck onto my face. He was...scared? I know it’s a big change and we were probably rushing it a little bit but what did he have to be scared about? I glanced at him and he seemed to find the floor really quite interesting all of a sudden.
"...You should've said something"
He blushed and I hooked a finger under his chin, making him look at me.
"M'sorry” he said.
"For being a shit fiancé"
“You're not a shit fiancé" I said, looking him straight in the eye.
"I am" he shut his eyes. "What kinda of fiance is so scared of their own proposal, hmm?"
I cuddled his head against my chest and stroked his hair. "What are you scared of?"
"I don't even know. It's pretty pathetic, really" he said, hugging me.
"It's not pathetic"
He was quiet, no doubt still convinced it was pathetic. I kissed his temple but he stayed silent. C’mon, man, don’t be like that.
"I love you, Maxxie"
"I love you too. And don't get me wrong, I do want to marry you"
I flashed him a baby of a smile.
"I'm just going to be terrified right up until we're actually married"
"I know you said you don't know why, but there has to be something in particular freaking you out"
"I don't know. I guess I just feel like it means letting go of everything I used to be and now I have to be something different and better for you. Everyone always talks about how marriage is like the death of your relationship and your sex life, and I never really believed it, but it must have stuck in there somewhere 'cause it's really not helping."
I chuckled. "Well, if it's any consolation, I'm not planning on letting my sex life die at nineteen. And what do you mean 'be something different'?"
"I dunno. If you'd known me before, it'd be easier to undersand, but I dunno how to put it into words"
"I love you for who you are, Maxxie"
"Yeah, I know, and I know all my fears are total bullshit"
I flashed him another baby smile. "I know it's hard but try and ignore them"
He laughed slightly. "I have been trying"
"Is there anything I can do?"
"I dunno, really. I'd say more sex" he chuckled weakly, "but that's probably not the best way of coping with stuff. Especially if you're not up for it"
I pushed his hair back. "All I need is a few days without any"
He was quiet again and I straddled him, looking him straight in the eye. He met my gaze, clearly a little unsure of where I was going with it. I put a hand on either side of his face, keeping my eyes on his.
"I love you, Maxxie. Being scared doesn't make you a shit fiancé. You have the right to be scared; this is a big change in your life. I don't care about your past and you don't have to 'be something different and better for me'. You're perfect as you are, gorgeous"
He sniffled a little and hugged me a little less carefully than usual. "I love you so much, Hadley"
I smiled, kissing him softly and he matched it. I rested my forehead against his.
"I guess this means the wedding's not gonna be in March, huh?" I said, trying not to let my disappointment show.
"It can be in March. We've already booked everything anyway"
"Sure? We could probably switch dates if we gave a good enough reason"
"Well if you're gonna wait around for me to get over it, you'll be waiting a long time"
"As long as you're sure"
"It's either now or in about ten year's time, Hadley, so I'll leave that one up to you" he said with a small smile and I giggled.
"As tempting as ten years is, I think I'm gonna have to go with March"
He smiled a little more and I stroked his cheek.
A horrified look crept onto Maxxie’s face. "I'm gonna be so old in ten years" he said as if it had just dawned on him.
"I won't be all that far behind you, old man" I giggled.
"Don't be stupid. You won't be much older than I am now"
"In ten years time I'll be a few months away from being thirty, dude"
He put a finger over my lips. "And I'm not much further away from that now, so shh"
I giggled. "Age is just a number, gorgeous"
"Try convincing me of that on my thirtieth birthday" he chuckled and I rolled my eyes, smiling.
He smiled back and I cuddled him. He snuggled up to me and I hummed. The two of us were both more than happy to stay like that but I got a little worried when Maxxie was quiet.
"You okay?" I paused, trying to count just how many times I’d asked him that. "I sound like a scratched record"
"Yeah... to both things" he giggled a little and I glared at him a tiny bit.
"The correct answer is: I'm fine, Hadley. Thank you for being such an amazing fiancé and worrying about me so much"
"I'm fine, Hadley. Thank you for being such an amazing fiancé and worrying about me so much" he grinned and I giggled.
He grinned and I tickled his neck. He twitched away from it a little and I tried not to giggle as I did it again. He whined and twitched again, pouting as I pulled an innocent face. I kept up the innocent face as I tickled him again. He whined some more and I giggled as he pouted.
"You love it really"
“I can’t even tickle you back, he pouted.
I giggled. “Sure you can”
"I don't wanna end up hurting you" he smiled a little and I pecked him on the lips.
He hummed and I tickled him a little bit. He shifted a little and I moved my tickling to his waist instead of his neck. He squirmed and I giggled at the face he pulled, tickling him more. He tried to escape but I didn’t let him. He pulled a horrified face and I ended up sitting on him. He gave up trying to escape and I prodded his nose.
He licked my finger and I giggled.
"Eww, old guy germs"
He gave me a grumpy look and I grinned.
"You're my old guy"
He smiled. "More of the yours and less of the old, thanks"
"You're my beautiful, amazing guy" I smiled back and he blushed a little.
“And you're my gorgeous, incredible man" he grinned.
It was my turn to blush then. "You don't mean that" I said, feeling more embarrassed than I’d ever been in my life.
"How could I not mean it?" he asked with a smile, stroking my cheek.
"Cause I'm not gorgeous or incredible" I said, still embarrassed.
I blushed more and he leant up to kiss me. I kissed him softly and he hummed. I lay down, using him pretty much as a mattress and he cuddled me. I kissed his neck, giving him a tiny hickey when he tilted his head. I hummed when he didn’t seem to mind and snuggled up to him.
“Luff you too” he smiled.
I sighed contentedly but something didn’t feel right. Was it selfish of me to keep the wedding in March?