I feel like the world's worst fiancé. Why can I not just tell him that I'm terrified of what we're doing?
If he bothers to ask again if I'm okay, I'll tell him. I have to. I can't sit and watch him like this.
Unfortunately, he doesn't ask me again, and the days begin to slip by. I try harder with the whole planning thing and though Hadley sort of smiles and thanks me, I don't feel like I'm doing enough. The more sex we have, the more sane I stay, and I guess it covers up my fears enough to at least just get on with life.
At least, I hope it does.
By the end of January, we have the venue booked, most of the reception sorted, the flowers and decorationy stuff like that sorted. Momma Smith, needless to say, is working on catering, and right this moment in time, Hadley and I are sat on the sofa trying to figure out a guest list.
"I still think you should invite your mom and grandpa."
"Why? We both know they won't come."
"I know. I don't know why, I just think you should."
I sigh and shrug, "I'll call them later."
"Alright, so who else are we inviting?"
"No idea," I chuckle, "my social life is somewhat lacking."
"Well, we've got Mom, Dad, Ava, Ryan and Cayden, if we can find him. Obviously Caleb and Alex. Um..." I think, trying to add to the list, but I can't seem to really think of anyone. People I know in England still...? Meh. No one's that bothered to come all the way out here. "John and Brent?" I nod and he scribbles down their names. "Anyone else?"
"I dunno. All this thinking is hurting my brain," I pout and he giggles.
"Cheeky." He gives me a huge grin and I chuckle, pecking him on the cheek. He hums.
"I think this'll do for now. I can always add to it later on." I smile as he leans back on the sofa, relaxing and he smiles back, lifting up his shirt to check out his stomach. He gives it a tiny prod.
"How's it feeling?"
"Doesn't hurt too much now. Stings like a bitch if I stretch or bend over too fast but I can live with it." I smile again, and watch as he gives it another tiny prod. He glances at me, "Does this turn you on or something?"
I chuckle, "no, but I know a certain something else that does." He gives me this curious look and I kiss him. I hum as he kisses back. He kisses my nose and I let my hand wander south a little, smiling as he giggles, pushing further down until I'm palming him a little through his pants.
He lets out a baby of a moan and I kiss him again, harder this time. As he matches it, I palm him some more, glad that he hasn't yet made the connection between me retaining my sanity and the amount of sex we're having. Another tiny moan escapes him and I grin, unbuttoning his pants so that I can get my hand under the waist band of his boxers easier.
At that, he kisses me hard and threads his fingers in my hair, while I close my hand around his member and start jerking him off a little. He moans a few times and keeps kissing me. I kiss back, stopping long enough to push his pants onto the floor and straddle him. He moves his hands down to my hips and I smile, teasing him. My smile only widens as he whines.
"You're mean to me," he pouts.
"I'll be less mean if you fuck me today," I say, my innocent expression still plastered on my features. He strokes my cheek, kissing me and I kiss back, shifting so he can get my shirt off. I shift my hips a little as he toys with the waistband of my boxers. He giggles when I bite my lip, doing my best not to make him hurry up. I fail. I start jerking him off again and he slides a hand into my boxers and a torturously slow speed. I wriggle, but it only serves to make him giggle again, and move his hand back to trace random shapes on my stomach.
The expression on my face lets him know just how much this it killing me and he responds with a kiss. I kiss back hard as he undoes my jeans. I lean down and kiss his neck, letting him slip my jeans off and push his hand back into my boxers. I try not to whine, and instead, give him an accidental hickey as he jerks me off for a bit. He doesn't mind, more focused on getting my boxers off.
He giggles again and gives me an innocent face as he notices how impatient I'm getting. I sort of plead with him silently to get on with it, and all he does is keep up that innocent face. I kiss him in an effort to get him to do something and he kisses back. Before I know it, my hand is covering his and I'm trying to get him to jerk me off again.
He smirks. "I don't think so, Cinderella." I whine, and he teases me, drawing a moan from my lips.
"What do you want?" he giggles yet again.
"I want you to fuck me," I tell him, earning myself a chuckle. And finally, I get what I've been waiting for.
Snuggling on the sofa after, he nuzzles my neck as I cuddle him. I listen to him hum, kinda fighting to stay awake, despite the fact that both of us are sleepy.
"Love you," he tells me.
"Love you too," I mumble in reply with a smile. He pecks me on the lips and I kiss back kinda lazily, playing with his hair as he starts falling asleep. He shuts his eyes and smiles, asleep before I even finish kissing his nose.
Well, I s'pose that's another few hour's sanity restored.