Taylor stayed at his place that night and promised me that he was going to try and find a job first thing the next morning. I didn’t exactly believe him but it was nice to know he was at least thinking about it. What was I thinking about? Jake. He was just a one night stand, right? Granted he was a one night stand that happened more than once but still a one night stand and nothing more. So how come I felt the need to make things right between us?
I pulled myself out of bed with a sigh, wolfing down a slice of toast before dashing out the front door and heading to Jake’s place. I knocked on the door and waited for at least half an hour for him to answer. I tested the door when there was no reply and found it unlocked. I slipped inside and saw several packed suitcases in the living room. Didn’t know you were going travelling so soon, bro.
“Going somewhere?” I asked when Jake eventually got home.
Jake jumped and sighed when he saw me sat on the couch. "No wonder the door was unlocked" he said, walking to the kitchen and grabbing a beer before sitting on the other couch.
I arched an eyebrow. "What's that s'posed to mean?"
"I'm leaving cause I don't want to get everything fucked up again and I knew I locked the door and El wouldn't be so rude"
I scowled. "The door was unlocked when I got here"
"Mhmm" he said, taking a swig of his beer.
"Moving when things get rough isn't the answer"
"Dude, staying around and watching you get loved up with someone else isn't the answer either"
"Watching me get loved up...? What are you even talking about?"
"You on the beach with Taylor... I walked by after visiting the estate agents"
"So he fell asleep, big deal"
Jake shook his head and took another gulp of beer. "Why'd you come Cay?"
"I wanted to try and make things right between us"
"Dude, you did nothing wrong" He drank more beer.
"I know. But something's wrong between us and I don't like it"
"I'm just an idiot for falling in love to fast... always a downfall and each time no one seems to stay. And there’s nothing wrong. I like you, you don't feel the same"
"Doesn't mean you should pack up and leave. That's not fair to you"
"I was travelling anyway" he said, moving into the bedroom and I followed him.
"I know you were but still, isn't it all a bit short notice?"
He sighed heavily. "Cay, I can't deal with it all again"
“Deal with what?”
"You may find me weak, running away, but I can't see the person I've begun to care for taken away. Might be a shit excuse but its true"
"No one's taking me away from anyone" I said softly and he looked at me.
"What do you mean?"
I shrugged. "I would've thought it was pretty self-explanatory"
He looked away. "Cayden... I care for you and I know I can't have that back... I can't just stay and keep on with these one night happenings or just watch you" he said, sitting on the bed.
I sat with him, not really sure of what to say. Jake shuffled away, trying to put distance between us and kept his gaze firmly off me.
"Look, Jake, I..."
I sighed. "I don't know what to say to make this better"
"It’s not even words I truly want"
"I know that..."
"Cayden, you can't give it so why are you here? Why are you still here?" he asked, looking at me.
"I don't know why, okay?"
Jake leant in slowly and kissed me. I kissed back then pulled away. This was wrong.
"Cay.." he whispered and I shook my head.
"I can't do this to you, Jake"
"I'll be gone tomorrow... At least let me have this"
He leant in and kissed me again. I hesitated before kissing back and he pushed me down onto the bed, not breaking the contact between our lips. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly happy about it all.
"Relax" he said, kissing my neck and palming me through my jeans.
I bit my lip a little. "I don't want to hurt you"
He pulled back and tilted his head, his face expressionless. He stroked my cheek. "Just tonight. Like I said I'll be gone tomorrow”
I shut my eyes for a while, trying to convince myself that it wasn’t a terrible idea. I opened my eyes again, still not exactly pleased, and kissed him softly. He kissed back hard and I didn’t quite match it. He straddled me and a pained look flickered across his face as he kissed me. He pulled off my shirt and I bit my lip again.
"Cay... I can't do this..." he said and slid off my lap, breathing heavily.
I knew it was a bad idea.