Is it stupid to assume that when you propose, you might have a slightly longer engagement than two and a half months? I knew I should've insisted on June. June's an alright amount of time.
And all this wedding planning stuff. I hadn't prepared myself for it to come so soon. I mean, Hadley's already been out to try on suits and stuff and I've not even considered it.
Don't get me wrong, I wanna be with him for the rest of my life, but I guess I was just hoping that we might leave it a little longer. Which seems a bit hypocritical, really. I mean, I proposed after three months, and he wants to marry after three more... For some reason, I don't feel much like I was rushing into it when I made up my mind I wanted to propose, but this? This definitely feels like we're rushing now.
I sigh a little, planting a kiss on his forehead, playing with his hair while he sleeps in my arms. I think I was too rough again, he was fucking exhausted when we were done. I'm not really paying attention, sort of wondering how I can go about getting the date back to June, and I only notice that Hadley's woken up when he kisses me.
Smiling, I kiss back.
"Morning, gorgeous," he says.
"You alright?" He hums in response.
"You?" Well if he's allowed to just hum in reply, I'm allowed to smile and kiss him again in reply. Because I don't know how I would answer. I'm fine, apart from that one thought nagging on my mind.
"What d'you want for breakfast?"
"Whatever you're having."
"Froot Loops, then," I giggle, getting up to get a couple of bowls. As I'm looking for a couple of spoons, and wondering if we really need them, I glance around and catch him admiring my ass in all its naked glory. I grin, watching as his cheeks flush a little.
"Nothing," I say, going back to my spoon hunt as I try to hide my grin. Even when I turn around, I can still feel his eyes on me. C'mon spoons, where the fuck are you hiding? D'you reckon Hadley hid them just for an opportunity to check out my ass? I try not to giggle at the thought as I find them hiding under the pasta dish on the draining board.
"Can I just ask why we're eating kid's cereal?" he enquires as we sit on the sofa bed and eat together.
"Because it tastes good?"
He chuckles, "Good. I was starting to doubt your sanity."
"What sanity?" I ask through a mouthful of multicoloured lumps of sugar.
"...I'm not sure."
"Even if I had any left now, I wouldn't by the time we got round to planning our wedding. End of March would be great if it wasn't gonna be so hard to plan for then." Is that really how you're gonna bring it up, Max? Really? I look at the ring on his finger and it feels right, like this is it, the guy I've been waiting for. But on the other hand, the voice that's been telling me it's too fucking soon has come back with a vengeance. It might feel right, but it doesn't feel like me. Me is the guy that fucked off with a stranger in a bar the other week, me is the guy who ended up paying a friend forty dollars on a bet that I wouldn't moan if he gave me head in the cinema.
Me is terrified of settling down.
"Oh... We can have it later, if that's easier." Cue the probably unintentional guilt trip.
"June would be easier to plan for, but it's up to you," I mutter. Even June feels a little too close, but it's better than the end of March.
"I don't mind. Don't forget we've got extra help from Mom." I smile slightly and he snuggles up to me, pushing a fresh wave of guilt through me.
I'm not scared of being with him for the rest of my life, I'm just scared of being tied down for the rest of my life.
Fuck, I'm such a dick.