Cayden not showing up was weird. It was perfectly plausible that he’d been held up or, knowing him, had gone to the store to get something simple like milk and was now in the middle of a giant spending spree. But then again, it was just as likely that he’d fucked off completely without telling anyone. Did he really miss Maxxie enough to do that? I mean, he seemed fine at Christmas, almost like he was back to his usual self. The sparkle wasn’t exactly back in his eyes but you could see if you looked hard enough.
As I walked down the street with Maxxie, my brain started rambling. You know how yesterday I was starting to wonder if Alex was right and the whole engagement thing was a little too soon. I still didn’t entirely think it was but I was starting to have my doubts. Especially considered how much Maxxie seemed to be worrying over Cayden not showing up. Did he... Did he propose because he wasn’t over Cayden? It made perfect sense. Now Cayden was over him, Maxxie had realised just how much he missed him and proposed to me as a way of trying to convince himself I was the one he wanted. All of a sudden the beautiful ring on my finger felt a lot heavier, like it was weighing my arm down.
The two of us ended up walking to a cosy little cafe, choosing to sit inside instead of outside for once. Once we were sat down, my brain started up again and I stayed in complete silence. Maxxie was quiet for a while but I don’t think it was for the same reason. Unless he was asking himself if I’d worked it out yet.
“ You okay?" he asked but I was too busy convincing myself he didn’t want to marry me and didn’t even love me anymore to answer.
He frowned a little and I sort of started paying attention again.
"D'you want a coffee or anything?" I asked quietly, ignoring the concerned look on his face.
"No, I'm okay thanks..."
I sort of nodded and was quiet again.
"Hadley?" he asked and I looked up at him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing" I could tell he didn’t believe me so I gave him my best smile, even if it was almost fake. "Seriously, it's nothing"
He frowned and I said sort of quickly "I'm gonna get a coffee. Sure you don't want anything?"
He nodded and I got up, wandering over to get a coffee before coming back with it. I started drinking it before I even sat down and finished it quite quickly, even though it was fucking hot and burnt the back of my throat a little. Maxxie looked a little worried but I just went and got another one. If I’m drinking coffee I won’t be able to answer if he asks what’s up again.
"You're gonna end up worse than me if you keep up like that" he said but I wasn’t really paying attention.
"...Doesn't matter. Tell me what's wrong"
"Well then what's on your mind?"
I sighed. "Nothing. I'm just worried about Cayden"
He didn’t push it but I could tell he kind of wanted to. I took a little more time with my second coffee but I still drank it pretty quickly.
"You'll make yourself ill if you keep drinking them like that"
I shrugged a little and he looked worried.
"It's only my second one, I'll be fine"
Maxxie was quiet after that and I was too busy fighting the urge to go get another coffee to try and start a conversation. I lost the battle against my urges and went and got myself a third coffee. Maxxie sighed and I flashed him a questioning look.
"Can we go back after this one?"
“Sure" I said, gulping down my coffee.
Maxxie took my hand in his as we walked back and for what was possibly the first time in history, I didn’t squeeze his hand. He held onto my hand a tiny bit tighter and I just kept quiet. Maxxie was no doubt worried about me but then again, maybe he should’ve waited to propose til he actually meant it. The second we got back to the apartment, I went and made myself another coffee.
"No more coffee" Maxxie said from the couch.
"Why not?" I asked quietly.
"'Cause you'll get ill"
"But I like coffee"
He sighed but didn’t argue and I drank my fourth coffee of the day in the kitchen. Maxxie wandered into the kitchen to take one of his pain pills and looked for something to eat. I stayed out of his way, not leaving the kitchen and to say the mood in the room was awkward would be an understatement. He gave up after a while and went into the living room to watch TV. I stayed in the kitchen til I needed to pee, seeing Maxxie curled up on the couch and trying to take up as little room as possible. Once I was done peeing, I slipped into the bedroom. I sat on the bed and stared at my engagement ring. He had to have meant it, right? I slipped the ring off and stared at it.
‘My heart, forever yours’. Yeah but was that aimed at me or Cayden? With a sigh I put the ring down and walked out on the bedroom, seeing Maxxie asleep on the couch. I left him a note letting him know I’d gone out and snuck out the front door.