Fucking codeine. Y'know the problem with opiate based painkillers? They fuck with your breathing. This used to happen when I was a kid - I'd be put on a course of codeine if I'd been beat up bad enough and sent back to school. Of course, they didn't care if I stopped breathing when they winded me.
Hadley still looks worried about it and I'm not sure I've got my breath back quite enough to explain it to him. So I just sit there, wishing he'd listened to me about going to see my mum instead. I notice him biting his lip a little, and see the look in his eye that says he feels guilty about it. I force myself to lean over and peck him on the cheek. A tiny smile pulls at his lips and I sit back wondering if it's possible to get a punctured lung from a broken collar bone. I prod it a little, checking that it hadn't gone out of place or something.
"Leave it alone, you'll make it worse."
"Mmm," I hum, dropping my hand back to my side. He goes back to chewing on his lip and I smile, "you'll make your lip bleed if you keep that up." He sort of stops and apologises. "You don't need to apologise for anything." He shakes his head slightly, but doesn't say anything. "Hadley, pull over somewhere for a minute." He finds somewhere to pull over pretty quick and I unbuckle my seat belt, twisting so I can face him, "it's not worth beating yourself up over, Hadley," I smile a little, "so stop it."
"I should've gone back when you said your dad was there," he says, looking down a bit. I frown and hook a finger under his chin, lifting his head back up.
"It doesn't matter." He gives this tiny smile and doesn't look at all convinced. "Really, Bunny, stop being so hard on yourself." He says nothing and my frown returns.
"Sorry," he mumbles. I let out a small sigh and pull him in for a one armed hug, ignoring the jolt in my collar bone. He hugs back. "I'm an idiot."
"Only because you keep beating yourself up over little things and making them feel worse than they are," I smile. He smiles back, but no matter how hard he tries to show it, he's still not buying it. "Hadley," I groan, "what's it gonna take to get you to believe me?"
"Nothing. Don't worry about it." I press my lips against his, wishing somehow I could stop that spiralling doubt in his mind. He kisses back and I squeeze him a little more gently than I'd have liked. Well it was that or hurt myself more, and there's only so much pain codeine can stop you feeling.
He hums a little and I rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes as he plays with my hair. He kisses the top of my head, making me smile a little. I sit back up and kiss him again.
"C'mon, let's go home."