I knew I shouldn’t have come back. At least Max and Hadley seemed to believe the smiles so I guess it wasn’t a total loss. Should stop them worrying about me, anyway. I didn’t slam the door when I left. I didn’t really do anything that said I was angry. Because I wasn’t. Everything Mom just said was the truth. Maxxie caught up to me after a while and I stopped walking, seeing Ava not far behind.
"When someone walks out you're not really s'posed to follow them"
"D'you think I care about that?" Maxxie said, arching an eyebrow at me.
Ava caught up with us and I bit back a sigh.
"I appreciate it guys but seriously, go back inside"
Maxxie shook his head and hugged me. Dude, don’t hug me when I feel like crap for being a fuck up an losing you. I hesitated a little before giving into my own sadistic needs and hugging back. Maxxie held out an arm and Ava joined in with the hugging.
"You know she doesn't mean it, Cayden" she said.
Maxxie stayed silent which made everything that little bit more reassuring. Not. I hugged Ava more than I hugged Maxxie and he kissed me on the cheek, letting go of me.
"Come back in soon, eh?"
Ava sort of nodded on my behalf and Maxxie went back to the house.
“Right, you. Fatty needs somewhere to sit” Ava said, smiling.
I tried to smile back but couldn’t quite manage it. She hugged me a little tighter and I sighed, sort of taking her in the direction of the tree house. How do you explain to your sister you haven’t seen in years that you turned into a whore who isn’t capable of holding down a relationship? Oh yeah, you let her do all the talking.
“So, what’s this about you breaking up a marriage?” she asked, effectively making my plan useless.
“I slept with John about three months ago, his wife found out and left him”
I sighed. “Ocala. My best friend from high school. Catholic. My first boyfriend. Any of this ringing any bells?”
“Yeah, I know the guy. You don’t look that cut up about it so what’s making you sad?”
“Who said I’m sad?”
She smiled a little. “I’m your sister. It’s my job to know when you’re sad”
I rolled my eyes and she prodded me. “Tell me”
I looked away from her but she just pulled my chin round so I had to look. I sighed again. “I’m still in love with Maxxie”
She nodded for me to continue.
“And there was this guy Gage. I thought I was getting over Maxxie cause of him and... and, uh, he died”
She put an arm round me. “I’m sorry, Cayden”
Oh God, here come all the stupid babblings of how I feel and there’s no way in hell I can stop them. “You know why I’m such a whore? Because everyone I get close to leaves me. I can’t do anything without fucking it up. I tried my God damn hardest with Maxxie... We were going out for months and I mean, if I can keep a relationship going for a week it’s a fucking miracle. Everything I touch, I fuck up. Everything in my life manages to get fucked up” I said, burying my head in my hands.
“That’s not true” she said sternly and I looked up a little. “Some things just aren’t meant to be. Besides, you’ve seen how happy Hadley is with Maxxie. If you two were still together d’you think he would’ve spent all of today smiling?”
I shook my head a little but I didn’t feel any better. “Yeah, he’s happy. But they’re gonna go off and be happy together while I get left behind like always”
Ava frowned a little. “I didn’t want to do this til tomorrow”
I felt curiosity start to grow in the pit of my stomach.
“You think you’re such a fuck up? C’mere” she said and grabbed my hand, pressing it to her stomach. Okay, she certainly wasn’t getting fat anymore. As happy as I should’ve been for her, I just started sulking again.
“Yeah, I fucked up with kids as well. What are the odds I’m having any?”
Ava frowned again. “That wasn’t my point, Cayden. In about five months time, you’re gonna be an uncle. That’s your little niece or nephew in there. They’re a part of your life, aren’t they?”
“Well, you said everything in your life is fucked up”
I sighed. “Not everything then”
She smiled. “So stop focusing on Maxxie. Stop focusing on trying to get over him. Just treat him like a friend. That’s what he is, isn’t he?” she didn’t give me time to answer. “Come back to Australia with me and Ryan”
“What?” I asked in shock.
“Come back home with me and Ryan. You’re not happy here, it’s painfully obvious. So come back home for a while and take some time off”
She patted my arm with a smile and clambered out of the tree house. I stayed sat up there for a while before, against my better judgement, heading back to Mom and Dad’s. Go back home, even if it’s just for a holiday... I could see the logic behind it but I’d no doubt just spend the entire time moping over how much I miss Maxxie. Well, half the time. The other half would most likely be spent picking up strangers in bars like my usual routine. Ah what the hell, I might as well go.